Halloween parties are the worst events for deaf people to go to, in my opinion. I’m not discounting the family and holiday gatherings, where a majority of deaf people–those with hearing relatives– suffer from being left out of the conversation at the table. It sucks when family members leave you out of the loop whether it’s intentional or not.
In general, “What?” is used a lot with hearing people, screaming that word at each other over the din of loud bass music at parties. But logistically speaking, Halloween soirées in particular take the cake for deaf people. Think about the communication difficulties. People wearing costumes and masks that either cover or obscure important parts of their bodies–namely their faces and hands–that has us deaf people saying, “What’s that you said?”
One of my deaf friends recently went to a Halloween party with a Mexican theme. “Ah, nobody had masks there so that was nice,” she noted. That helped ease her communication difficulties she may have otherwise encountered. At one bash, a hearing friend was wearing vampire teeth that distorted his lip movements. I got exasperated from attempting to lipread and told him to go bleed someone else dry, conversation-wise. I must have been very good company, because he took them off when I explained to him about the problem I had with his fanged dentures.
Another deaf friend donned a gorilla costume, and he was the hit of the party. Literally. When he tried to sign, the gorilla hands were so huge that people around him were fearful of getting slapped in the face from his hand movements. Becoming frustrated, he took off the hands. It was funny to see skinny white hands flying against the backdrop of this huge black gorilla costume. Another friend attempted to write back and forth with me using pen and paper, but was done in by her artificial and elaborate long nails she put on to complement her costume. She couldn’t hold a pen to save her life.
The atmosphere at these parties is usually dim, like a seedy bar out in the middle of nowhere. You already know how difficult it is to communicate with anyone without adequate lightening. And don’t get me started on the cigarette smoke! But the worst offender at these parties? The manmade fog. People don’t realize how irritating that is to certain body orifices. When the “fog” particles crept into my eyeballs and nostrils, both body parts started to itch like something fierce. I was squinting, rubbing, and sneezing. Not a pretty sight to behold.
While I’m battling the ill effects of the fog, I heard noises emitting from the person standing next to me. I then realized, “Oh crap, she’s talking to me!” At this point, I was NOT in the mood to strike up a conversation. Putting up my hands to indicate I wasn’t interested, I darted out of there in search for some fresh air to clear the senses– or sinuses. The fog effectively dismantled my tools (eyes) to engage in a friendly dialogue with that person.
To steal a line from Jay-Z, a popular rap artist, it’s a Hard Knock Life for a deaf person at these Halloween parties! In particular…
It’s the hard knock life for us
It’s the hard knock life for us
Instead of treated we get tricked
Instead of kisses we get kicked
How you deal with these parties can be like the human body’s response to stress: fight or flight. You can either fight your way to a good time or take flight to the nearest corner and be a wallflower. You can seize the bull by the horns, or be that bull in a china shop, breaking dishes left and right. Deaf people laugh it off among themselves because the difficulties aren’t that serious, especially for Mr. Gorilla. My hearing friends learned to either adapt to my communication needs at these parties, or save the conversation for later and join me in nodding our heads to the music beat. Halloween is about tricks or treats. The trick is to know how to have people treat you right.
Ladybugs and germs, in that vein,- *slurp*- I hope you have a boo-ti-ful evening tonight!
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Err…
Those lyrics are actually from the musical “Annie.” Jay-Z stole them. :)
loved the blog, though! :)
Not only at hallowe’en parties. It’s the same thing, at Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays….you name it and I’ve been left out.
Why? Because my family never had the motivation to include me in just about anything.
I’m expected to be there, of course…just not expected to enjoy it.
Good blog as always, Vikki. Can you believe that I’ve NEVER attended a costume party? Maybe someday I will.. But I’ll be sure to attend a Deaf friendly one after reading the troubles you ran into!
I’ve never been a big fan of those costume parties myself, not only because of the communication problems, but simply because I find them to be a bit “insulting” in some ways for a person who honors this night as a very sacred Sabbat for honoring the ancestors. I would much rather attend a Samhain ritual of such than a costume party!
I suppose if I was to attend a costume party, I could always just come in my regular street clothes and everyday appearance and tell everyone I’m dressed as a witch. Muhahahaha!
Happy Halloween to you too, Vikki! I loved reading this. Maybe a themed party–no masks or covered hands allowed would be the way to go. It’s just one night. And fog IS ridiculous! I like Mexican fiestas better. Lots of drinking, tequila, pinatas–drinking. . .dancing, tequila, drinking. . .
I’ve attended Deaf parties where everyone signs, and that’s really the best thing.
Once,…only once, have I ever attended a hearing party (it was New Year’s Eve party), and it was a b*tch for me, trying to communicate with people via paper/pen while simulatenously holding a drink in another hand. Not fun. After that experience, never again!
I will only attend parties where EVERYONE signs. It’s so much easier…you can hold a drink or a plate of food and still chat with someone. And even if you’re in a costume, no problem. Still can communicate through the costume.
Well… I do not believe it’s just Halloween that we feel left out. It’s majority of holiday gatherings or any family or hearing gatherings we do feel left out.
But honestly I think Halloween is great for deaf people not because of MASKS that blocks us but visually it’s entertaining for us. We always get a good chuckle out of people that we are used to “SEEING” them in plain clothes and all of sudden they are not normal in our eyes. So that is why I love Halloween.
My experience…people always take off the mask to talk anyway.
Hi Vikki!
I agreed with Brian C., it’s not just halloween. Actually, I always think either (or both) Thanksgiving and Christmas are far worse holidays for some Deaf people to spend their time with hearies.
I’d rather to be at costume party either with deafies or hearies or both. Because you can actually enjoy by looking at what they dress and/or how they behave, etc so the communication doesn’t really have to be there. Of course, it’s a plus but could live without.
But at Thanksgiving & Christmas, all they do is sit and talk. So it can get really bad if we’re with hearies who doesn’t sign. We get left out very easily. We’d sit around with hearies to open presents or to eat turkey, they always have stuff to say and I never get to know what they said.
Ugh!
If there are Halloween and Christmas on same day, you will always find me at costume party. :-D
-SG
LOL… Halloween And Christmas on the same day… just gave me an idea to make Christmas party fun!!! Have a Costume party that is related to Christmas… people can dress up as Santa, reindeers, snowmen, snowflakes or anything creative… so people just dont sit during Christmas!! Good idea! I’ll have that one day!!
If any of you feel left out at family gatherings, why don’t you talk to your family, and ask that they include you in on the conversation?
My family’s always included me in on the conversation, and I’ve never felt left out at a family gathering. I love being with my family, especially during the holiday seasons!
Easier said than done. Most deaf people have tried to educate their family members about including them, but either lack of empathy, lack of education, or lack of common sense prevent them from trying to include the deaf members in the mix.
So I can say you’re one of the rare ones whose family makes you feel like a part of things.
Also, if you feel left out of larger gatherings, why not create smaller gatherings within the large family group, and talk to each family member? That way you get to engage those you love on your level on your terms, and don’t end up being the quiet wallflower in the corner.
Noelle,
It sounds like you’re advocating that we (the deaf family member(s)) need to do most of the work and take all the initiative. For me, communication and interaction is a two-way street. I don’t mind giving a little (giving up some “knowledge” of what’s going on) in exchange for my relatives being willing to repeat themselves when I want them to.
We have to be constantly persistent to get what we want. We can’t just expect for things to come to us. We have to work at it.
We do have to fight to be included because the very nature of our disability makes it difficult to be a part of an usual conversation. I’ve always had to be proactive in terms of inclusion, and I always ask hearing people what they’re talking about, and then I offer my input. You don’t wait passively and assume you’ll be included in the conversation or accept your exclusion from the hearing environment. For instance, my co-workers know by now that I want to be included, and my persistence in this has paid off to the extent that they include me in conversations. I refuse to limit myself by fears of being unable to communicate with others. I just stride over that fear, and trust me, when I want to be heard, I’m heard. :-)
I like to hear solutions and advices, not complaints.
1) hire a sign language interpreters and shock your family
2). put the phone on the table and use the relay service to communicate with your family through your laptop/computer/etc
3) bring paper (lot of it) and pens/pencils
et voila
Or use VRI service to talk with everyone on a Snap videophone or something.
I don’t think relay would be practical in that sort of situation.
Cute! That’d be funny, especially when it eventually becomes wireless… I’d like to see that!
Cue advertisement for Snap! VRS:
“Left out of your family gatherings? Have no fear! Take one of our portable videophones with you. Walk into a room, put it down on a table, call a family member on their cell phone, and start signing.” Communicating has never been so easy, thanks to Snap! VRS!”
Haha! That’s a neat idea since I have an Ojo that is portable!!! Noelle doesn’t know what she is talking about! And she needs to un-frigid herself! Sheesh, she thinks she is better than any one else….
Wow, ad hominem attack, much? Where have I said that I’m better than anyone here? Please bring me specific examples. Thank you.
I hate Halloween parties. I prefer Toga parties, there is practically no obstruction in communication. Although there aren’t any non-signers at the parties I go.