:eyeroll: Here we go again…
A friend (who happened to be hearing) alerted me to the following post on the Washington, DC Craigslist website:
confession
Reply to: pers-385651417@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-30, 9:03PM EDTi’ve been thinking about killing myself lately. sadly, i wouldn’t be missed. at all.
it’s funny, i don’t steal or cheat or lie. well, except for the number of hours i work. it’s actually less as i didn’t want anyone to worry about me. now i’m near broke. i went from size 4 to size 2. it doesn’t matter i know the difference between your and you’re.
it doesn’t matter i’m nice and that i’m trying to become a better person. i’m trying so hard and so hard. i cry almost every night alone.
to make it worse, i have almost no friends. and i think i’m a nice person. i care a lot, it’s so pathetic i’m 30 and trying to be closer to my mom and dad except it’s hard because they’re divorced. and i always wanted to have a family of my own. i’m sure my parents would laugh or whatever if they knew how much i missed them and really liked hanging out with them. they don’t even know sign language but i don’t care.
if you know any child that is deaf- PLEASE make sure they get the cochlear implant. or the kid will be f*cked up for life by being isolated and almost no job opportunities. trust me. i have a college degree and it doesn’t matter.
i used to care so much and have so much hope. it’s all gone.
Location: having no hearing sucks
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interestsPostingID: 385651417
So the inevitable question rolled off of my friend’s tongue: “Does the cochlear implant help you hear? If so, why don’t YOU get one?” I responded with a one-two punch combination–a short jab followed by a long sweeping left hook. Knockdown! I wish. According to the men in my life, I can’t even fight a wet noodle.
But I digress. In actuality, the response to my friend was much more diplomatic. I told her the idea that a cochlear implant magically enables a deaf person to hear was the number one misconception. Bottom line, not true. It does not capture the true essence of hearing. I know of some people who were implanted but chose, for whatever reasons, not to continue wearing the implant. Then there are some folks who proudly tote the implant, along with a hearing aid. That is a sight to behold, trust me on that. Some people do benefit tremendously from the cochlear implant, no question about that. They report increased recognizance of sounds as well as the ability to talk on cellphones and other benefits.
As for the answer to the second part of her questioning, I reminded my friend that just as hearing people are individuals with their own experiences and values, the same also apply to *gasp* deaf people. So the reasons for me not obtaining a cochlear implant were purely personal. I don’t like invasive surgery in general, and I have a fear of somehow turning out to be like the Borg if I’m implanted. Plus, I think I function pretty well within the society at large, unlike this poor bloke who posted on craigslist. I know plenty of un-implanted people who managed to carve out successful careers while balancing their social calendars. So the poster’s assumption of perhaps having a better life with more opportunites if s/he were implanted is misguided, in my opinion.
To sum it up, cochlear implants aren’t the magic hearing pill they’re made out to be. Presto, bang! A new, improved you! Just like the commericals for those dubious weight loss pills. Don’t get me wrong, I think cochlear implants are a great tool suited for those who can really use them. I, however, am not one of them. Besides, my friend agreed that I am already enough of a character, with or without my trusty (and occasionally beeping) hearing aids!
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47 Comments
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It might be fake.
I almost don’t believe everything CL says. People typed on there for fun. But either if it was for real or not, that is still awful! Hope it was reported as spam or violation.
So that’s way they will remove it off the CL, don’t want the rest of people out there to read.
-SG
The cochlear implant thing is just a side issue … assuming that the post is legit in the first place, the person is clinically depressed and needs professional help pronto.
That’s true… suicide is nothing to joke about.
I think the posting was in response to the blogs/demonstration/vlogs regarding agbad/CI issues … it is obviously a fake attempt to fool others.
R-
How is this an attempt to fool others? I’m curious to see the logic in your thinking.
Some people just write stupid crap for the fun of it, too. It might be real, it might not be. But look at the Washington Post. Every time a new letter is published regarding Gallaudet in the editorial section, you’ll see all kinds of comments from people who are STILL stuck on the “Oh it’s one big Deaf Club” thing. At this point in time you almost have to start thinking that if such comments are being written by people who really feel that way, then they’re obviously not looking at any of the debate that’s easily accessible and going on around them at all times. Who’s to say it’s not some fifteen year old kid or someone who just hates Gallaudet for whatever reason or someone who just thinks Deaf Culture is a big joke (not because he disagrees with it but because he just learned about it in his high school ASL class and has no prior experience with it)? Now just apply that to implants and everything else this guy is talking about…
It’s possible, y’know?
Chris Heuer said it much better than I do, Vicki.
R-
Fake or not, it could be true. It’s also sad. See, there are some deaf people who think that way, that their life would be better if they could hear. This is called sublimal brainwashing. Some parents do phoo phoo their child’s deafness and say things like I’m so so sorry you’re deaf and so on…instead of being positive, they are negative. The child grows up with low self esteem and as a result, these children end up being a withdrawn suicidal adults. Many Alumni from St. Joeseph’s Institute for the deaf are like that..many suffer from depression, trauma, and many are suicidal. I personally know several and have had dialogue with them. Like I said, it’s sad. Fake or not, it’s out there.
C:
I agree 100% with your comment. You have to take what’s posted on CL with a grain of salt (or barrels as a friend would say). Whether this person is real or not is besides the point. The issue is the perception that cochlear implants would somehow improve a person’s lot in life. But it doesn’t help a host of underlying problems such as depression or low self-esteem.
I really think it’s fake. There are a few people out there who are desperate to block the progress of the Deaf Bilingual Coalition (and also the progress of the reform movement at Gallaudet.)
To Brian and everyone else who says the CL post may be fake:
I know CL has almost zero credibility. The point I was trying to make was everyone has a choice whether they want to have CIs or not. I was trying to say that the message that the poster was trying to convey that CIs are a magic cure for deafness wasn’t true, as we all know. I’m glad my friend asked me about it and it was a good opportunity to educate my friend about that situation.
So whether this CL posting was some kind of grandoise ploy to overthrow Gallaudet or to bolster AGBAD’s position, the point is CIs arent’t a “one size fit all” solution.
Just speculation. We’ll probably never know who wrote it and why. Someone should try to respond and offer help in the small chance that it’s not fake.
This letter is real. The detail and the situation are common to many young people, not just deaf college graduates.
It might be from an oral deaf person who has no involvement with the Deaf community; this is indicated by the attitude expressed in wishing for hearing or a CI. Also typical of depression is unwillingness to reach out or to accept help since it is felt to be ineffective or pointless.
If there is any way to reach out to this person, it should be taken, as it is a clear call for help.
Dianrez,
This letter doesn’t seem to be written by a deaf person. The writing is almost too perfect and that person appears to have no social life. It doesn’t go hand in hand. In other word, a deaf person (oral or not) with an excellent command of English language tend to be very sociable. That’s my two cents.
Whoa! I have met some Deaf people who write EXTREMELY well so it does go both ways. What I mean is that just because you are “D”eaf doesn’t mean you have to write so badly.
I think you all are missing the point of the letter. I think it is a cry for help because she/he feels so isolated and helpless. I have had a deaf oral friend who had LOTS of friends but still felt isolated and helpless. She did NOT have a job at all despite graduating from a four year university. She encountered extensive discrimination and that was in the days before ADA. She couldn’t land a job for over 7+ years.
I honestly believe while that most oralists are very sociable, they can also feel very isolated and not having many “friends” that identify with them. What I mean here is that although they may have many “hearing” friends, they still don’t have the kind of friends they crave that are like themselves: oral and deaf. Washington D.C. area does NOT have ALOT of deaf oralists although they do have ALOT of Deaf people who aren’t oralists.
Add to the mix here: social and dating opportunities for deaf oralists in Washington DC is far and few. It is extremely frustrating for many of them to be able to find a dating partner in this area that they are COMFORTABLE with. What I mean here is that although they are comfortable dating hearing people, MANY hearing people aren’t totally understanding of what it is like being deaf let alone growing up with that deafness and communication is so critical in such relationships. I do know that many hearing folks are hesitant in entering relationships with deaf folks for many reasons: communication, cultural, genetics (yes, I’ve had hearing dating partners ask if my deafness was genetic or not!), and other factors.
So I close this letter with the thought that this Craigslist letter could be very real. It may not even be a joke here at all. We don’t know FOR SURE because there is a REAL person behind the letter that COULD be hurting for real and has NO one to turn to so she/he can vent or talk about what he/she is feeling.
Whether it is real or not, its a HORRIBLE feeling to be alone/lonely. I just hope that if this letter is a real cry for help that this person seeks counseling/help immediately.
I suggest that someone email that person with a link to this thread. I believe it is possible to communicate with anonymous posters of Craigslist through a one-way email, no?
Interesting. Perhaps a possible solution would be to start a deaf oralist club or site for DC? Would such a thing already exist?
DC Boots….how can one get in touch with you?
You can contact me at alexandros ..at.. tmail, I don’t mind.
also…
“It might be from an oral deaf person who has no involvement with the Deaf community”
In Washington DC? Impossible!
I am an oral deaf person, living in Washington, D.C. who isn’t involved with the Deaf community. I just read the blogs.
Same here. Hey, who knew we existed?!?
Tim K-
See…it isn’t impossible :P
In fact, nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it! LOL
Aquafina,
Thanks for your “dry” comment. As for Sprite, I prefer 7-Up.
One thing that happens with clinical depression is the loss of perspective and a distortion of rational thinking. For example, this woman professes to be 30 years old, yet is still grieving her parents’ divorce. She’s a nice person, college educated, but has no friends and no job. Wonder if she has anyone to talk to about her deep feelings? Could be she’s a “solitaire” and isolated, without the solace of a peer group of other deaf people. I’ve been in those shoes and can tell you it truly sucks indeed. Thank g*d the “D”eaf community found me or I’d be dead by now, either literally or spiritually.
A couple of thoughts ~
First of all, we have no way of knowing whether or not this Craigslist post is authentic or not. It may be, then again it may not.
Whether it is or not, it is a sad case. If it’s genuine, then clearly this person does need help. HOWEVER…you can’t provide help to someone who doesn’t request it or desires it - and this person clearly says in the post that she does NOT desire to be contacted, doesn’t want to know about services, and doesn’t appear to be interested in receiving any sort of assistance.
While it is true that people who are severely depressed or have some type mental illness often are not thinking straight, I do have to wonder. Most folks who are dealing with such issues or contemplating suicide often DO want such help, they DO want to be contacted, they DO want someone to tell them they care. Theirs is a cry for help. This one appears to be more of a propaganda advertisement for how “hearing is better.”
And the thing is…and this I think is what Vikki was trying to get across - unsuspecting people buy into this crap. Let’s face it…most hearing people do believe that hearing is better, simply because they cannot conceive of what life could be like without it. They can only think of what one might miss…not what one is still capable of achieving.
I was born deaf. And yet, I have people come up to me on a regular basis and ask “don’t you miss not being able to hear?” Well, how can you miss something that you’ve never had to begin with? “Ohhhh, well…errrrr… wouldn’t you much rather be hearing?”
Nope.
And of course, this is met with shocked expressions of disbelief, as I get stared at by folks who obviously think I’m in even greater need of psychiatric services than this Craigslist babe.
Who wouldn’t want a cochlear implant?
The bigger question being…
Who wouldn’t want to be hearing if such surgery would give you the opportunity?
Certainly there have been times when I have thought it would be nice to be able to hear this sound or that sound. But my quality of life doesn’t depend upon it.
But how does one explain that to a person whose only perception of deafness is “the inability to hear?” Who has no clue about the community and the language and the identity and the strength and the abilities and the achievements of those who take actual pride in saying “I am Deaf” ???
I found it interesting that Vikki uses the analogy of a magic pill (and if those damn weight loss pills really do work, that is magic indeed!) I’ve used a similar technique in doing Deaf Culture presentations…only mine is a magic bean (a Jelly Belly bean, to be precise). When it’s possible and seems appropriate, I will bring an African American woman forward from the audience and tell her that this magic bean has the power to turn her into a “white, college-educated, upper-middle-class, handsome, successful male.” I then ask her if she’d like to swallow this bean and transform herself.
It’s interesting to see the reactions which occur - not only in this particular individual, but also in the audience, especially when the light turns on and they start to grasp where I’m coming from.
Cochlear implants are not magic jelly beans. Like Vikki says, they can be great tools for those who choose to utilize them…but let’s not define “quality of life” upon their existence - any more than we should define it on gender or skin color or any of the umpteen other classifications we are guilty of using for such.
Fabulous analogy with the jelly bean! Thank you!
I think the jelly bean analogy is a bit flawed in one case and not so in another. It’s no more than having a magic jelly bean to help people see again or see clearly again. Would you take it if your vision is 120/20? or 80/20? Or 40/20? What if you were blind? If you have a vision problem would you take that “pill” in order to have your sight restored to 20/20 vision? Honestly now, would you take that pill? How many of you wear glasses wished your vision was 20/20? And so I ask this question, how would this pill be any different from those who would want to have their hearing restored?
As for people who are Deaf would very well likely not take the “pill” for a variety of reasons with one of them being the cultural and identity connection. Completely understandable.
But I think using the color-of-your-skin analogy is flawed on so many levels because hearing loss range from mild to profound and people have a variety of experiences regarding sound and how they deal with it makes this pill analogy more problematic than it is not.
Now, you’re probably wondering if I would take that pill.
I certainly would.
But then I ask this question to you, would you have a problem with that?
I wouldn’t have a problem with that. But I would have a problem if people tried to force me to take that pill.
A problem to take a pill forcefully when, let’s say, you’re vision is 100/20 as a child and that pill will effectively restore your vision to a better 20/20 vision?
Were you ever forced to take pills or liquid medications when you were sick (don’t read too much into this folks) because they were supposed to help alleviate the symptoms for your own good?
*rolls eyes*
I’m asking for clarification. Is it the pill about the eye vision or is it the pill about restoring hearing loss?
It is really interesting how people refuse to answer whether they’d take a pill that will help restore their vision loss whether it’s mild or severe vision loss.
And let me expand this a bit further on this “magic pill” that has the medical power to restore hearing loss.
If such a pill does exist then what would you say to hearing parents who give this “magic” pill to their deaf baby so that their baby’s hearing would be completely restored?
Do hearing parents have that right to cure their baby’s hearing loss if such a medical pill does exist?
My answer?
They certainly do have that right.
But would it be a correct decision?
When I read that person’s CL posting (whether it’s real or fake), I immediately thought of his parents. If it’s real, it’s clear his parents did not do a good job of infusing their son with confidence in himself. Additionally, the school system must have failed him. I mean, teachers are supposed to report to parents that this or that child has this or that problem. I’m sure if a child was observed to have no friends and was having a hard time associating with other kids, surely teachers or other support staff would have noticed.
I’m thinking that this person really was let down by his parents, school, and the society…and unfortunately he seems to have bought heavily into “hearing is always better” thinking.
I am not sure what was the intention of that letter in the first place… is it because the person is really sad or lonely and trying to seek help thinking he/she is deaf is the reason for the depression or is this a ploy made by CI manufacturers or hearing person trying to encourage many “unknowing” parents or person who has no involvment in deaf community that Cochlear Implant is the answer.
I am thinking it is more of a ploy to say there is a cure for deafness, Cochlear Implant! I am not nor have I have any evidence to back up my theory but from my observation, in the 90’s deaf community seems to be thriving and improving where ASL is respected and acceptance of deafness is growing until Cochlear Implants deems to be the “cure” or “helps you be more NORMAL” where our community as a deaf person and ASL seems to be going backwards. Where we being deaf is unnacceptable and that CI is the answer. I have faced so many people who are forced or were insisted they get CI by their parents and audiologist so they can be normal and fit in the real world and get a real job.
It saddens me that CI seems to be controversal where deafness is not acceptable anymore in the eyes of the public rather than the eyes of the deaf person.
I could be wrong but that is how I feel.
I happen to have a CI. Although I love it, I realize that it doesn’t always work for others. I’m a bit annoyed at the Media touting CIs as a cure for deafness or that it make you have normal hearing. I will never be hearing. No responsible doctor would tout a CI as a cure for deafness.
It always makes me feel uncomfortable when the hearing tell me that my CI is a miracle. This suggests to me that the hearing who say that to me are not well informed on the subject and that they have unrealistic expecations of what my CI can do.
You know, I’ve noticed that the same thing has been happening since the 70s with hearing aids, too. People would get mad at me if I didn’t put them in, as if I were voluntarily CHOOSING to be deaf. A lot of people said something to the effect of “They can help you HEAR again! What are they doing in the back of your desk drawer?”
Ha ha! I’m waiting on the world to change…
(dances)
Haha…you and me are in the same boat. I’ve taken my hearing aids out and put them on my desk and keep working, much to the stares of my co-workers. LOL.
One of them said, “But don’t you need to hear?” and I said, “If it’s to listen, then nah.” I could see the light bulb forming over her head with that one.
Well, they are a miracle to many people who use them. So are hearing aids. Even sophisticated prosthetics (see http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/.....arm30.html ) are considered as godsends by those who would need them. But by saying that they’re a miracle doesn’t mean people are saying it’s a cure. Nonetheless it is still a miracle to many people who use technology to help address their hearing loss.
Even I consider my use of my hearing aid a miracle in its own because it has allowed me to access so many more things and so many more sounds than I could than without.
I love my CI and I think they’re a godsend to me. However, people who are not well informed on CIs tend to think I’ll hear normally with it. I’m what they call a prelingal so that means that I may not be able to understand speech 100%. Post-linguals are most likely to benefit from CIs. I may never be able to match them for understadging speech and stuff. However, speech is a lot easier for me to understand nowadays. How do you explain all this stuff to a total stranger in 5 seconds flat?
However, they are not miracles. They’re merely the product of brilliant scientific work and this technology took decades to develop.
From my observations of you, McConnel, you seem to think being deaf is a disability. That is why your argument about blindness and deafness being analogous fail because they are not the same. Being deaf comes with a culture and its language while being a blind person comes with a disability that needs to be cured. I am a Deaf with low vision. Will I take the pill for my deafness? No, because it is not something that needed to be fixed. Will I take a pill to cure my low vision? Yes, because it iwll increase my reading speed and my interaction with other deaf people and the world around me.
Yes, I am aware that the majority of hearing people perceive deafness as a tragic loss of one of the senses but that is only because they never erally experienced an awesome culture that Deaf people have.
Therefore, McConnel, are yuo claiming that deafness is a disability/tragedy/whatever you want to call it? That is most point-blank question I will ask you. Now none of us Deaf will judge you if you think that deafness is a tragic thing because that is your journey to make but please allow for the fact that we Deaf simply don’t think our deafness is a tragedy/disability/whatever you call it.
Thank you!
Well said, Oscar.
While I will never deny someone’s right to take that pill of they so choose, or judge them for making such a decision, I do agree that trying to compare deaf to blind is like comparing apples to oranges.
Certainly, there are those individuals who given a choice may indeed choose to take that pill and become hearing, in the same way that there may be blind people who will choose NOT to take that pill and have perfect vision.
There are a lot of factors to be considered in what decision an individual makes…I think a lot of it has to do with onset of the disability (I could see more late-deafened people wanting to swallow that magic pill than I could pre-lingually deaf), how one was brought up (an individual who was mainstreamed in a hearing environment would probably be more interested in such than the person who attended a residential school for the deaf), etc. etc.
Interestingly, I have a friend who was born with a disability by which she has had to use a wheelchair her entire life. Yet when I asked her if she would take such a magic pill, her response was “NO.” She’s happy being who and what she is, and while certainly her life has its challenges, they are just a part of the human being we all know and love as Kimber.
I have another friend who is both legally blind, and also has a spinal deformity which impairs his ability to walk properly, and results in his being several inches shorter than he would be otherwise. When I asked him which disability he would rather get rid of, he said the spinal problem…so that he could run and ride a bike and play football and do all those things. While certainly the vision is an issue, that’s something he’s been able to deal with to the point he doesn’t see it as much of a disability.
I guess whether or not one would take that magic pill all depends on our own individual outlook on the situation.
True..so in other words, one solution does NOT fit all.
Now, if we can tell the clothing manufacters that one-size-fit-all is false advertising…
I agree, Virginia. It does depend on your outlook on life and the situation.
What bothers me though, (not from you, VA, of course) is this underlying assumption that we have to be disabused of the notion that there is really a Deaf culture, and the medical pathologization view is the right way for everyone.
That some of us think they know what’s the best for everyone else. Who are we to tell other people how to live THEIR lives over something like this? I cannot imagine anything more arrogant than that.
Hearing loss is a disability. It’s no more of a disability than vision loss. Now, I didn’t say the word “disabled” but rather the word “disability”. There’s a difference. I have a disability and it’s my hearing loss. Though I am not disabled unable to move forward by it but I do recognize my condition and even my limitations.
Oscar, this is all about people’s perception and the things they cherish. It’s no more how you cherish vision in the hope to have full vision someday than people who would want their hearing loss completely restored as well.
Just because a person is a Deaf does not mean he or she would not take a pill to help restore hearing. If a Deaf person does take a pill and have his/her hearing completely restored, will that person still be considered as part of the Deaf culture? Would it be any different from CODAs?
Eric
Here’s a very good authority site and articles