We see reports of road rage in the news. NBC-4 has Miss Manners, and an interactive blog site that Metro area residents can post and read comments. We have Dr. P.M. Forni, the renowned ethicist at Johns Hopkins who advocates that civility is the “thread that composes the moral fiber of society.” We have our inaugural president, George Washington and his Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation . These are just scant mentions of scores of information on civility that pop up after a Google search. Another is this: The etymology of civility is derived from the Latin form, civilis, and further reading can be found here under “civil.”
The information IS out there. Why aren’t we familiarizing ourselves more with venues for appropriate conduct in environments? Each of us is guilty of acting in an uncivil manner—as another bloggist aptly put it, we sometimes SOAR over the line. One way to tackle uncivil mannerisms is to continue discourse. By continuing the discourse, we encourage feedback, communication & an open mind. Through these venues, we will begin to harbor an understanding of the actions of our fellow citizens. Furthermore, through understanding, we will finally have an opportunity to enable action that will go towards a community outpouring of strength and values. Such a community would not be as tolerant of uncivil behavior as it stands today.
The issue, readers, lies within us. It is possible that we have adopted the spectator mentality, watching in apparent disbelief as inappropriate conduct occurs. We then go to our respective communities and talk about it. Why don’t we stand up when we see uncivil behavior occur? Are we thinking that someone else will take care of the issue? Maybe we’re thinking that nobody will stand up with us and help out? Maybe we don’t want to be singled out as the “goody-two-shoes” of our community?
Civility is respect. Respect for your own self, your own actions. Respect for those you associate yourself with. Respect for their values and beliefs. It’s not just about doing the appropriate things—opening doors for the ladies (if they allow you to), saying “thank you” with a smile when someone compliments your outfit, remembering a friend’s birthday, honoring your family, things of that nature. It’s about respecting yourself and your affiliations. When one acts uncivilly, one casts a dark shadow over oneself and all of their groups. Civility is also representation—remembering who you are, what you represent, and being mindful of how you go about representing yourself and your associations.
It’s funny how the right thing is sometimes so hard to do, while it’s so easy to be nonchalant, or to jump on the bandwagon and follow the actions of a group. I urge you to make a difference today; do something that is civil, or take steps towards preventing an uncivil event. Also, remember this:
There is no such thing as a “goody-two-shoes” entity—this was conjured by those who were not brave enough to take a stand for what is right and appropriate.
Civility is honor and integrity.
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15 Comments
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Oscar, it can also be considered uncivil telling others to act civil. Quite frankly, people don’t listen when you command them to respect.
I believe that perhaps the more appropriate course of action would be to either publicly apologize or quickly tend to those in need of help. Rather than standing up just to scream “stop it” for the sake of civility. What do you think?
Quoting jt: “I believe that perhaps the more appropriate course of action would be to either publicly apologize or quickly tend to those in need of help. Rather than standing up… ”
While your belief is sound, but how would that work in an event of chaos (ie: the pep rally)? Should I have gotten up in front of our guests and apologize to them for my peers’ actions? Or on an one-to-one basis? Seeing how there were masses of guests last Friday.
I would appreciate it if you could clarify that for me, thus a lesson for me to keep in mind for the future in case a similiar situation occurs.
Now…, I assume you did NOT attend the rally. Right?
To ask Gallaudetians like Ricky Taylor to be civil, as you know, is darn near impossible.
They think they are entitled to do whatever they want. Eating their own cake is a foreign concept to them. They rail against audism but think it is ok to discriminate against others. Taking responsibility for their own actions, again, is a foreign concept to Gallaudetians.
Just consider ourselves very fortunate as Gallaudet mostly churns out graduates who will always remain in their own insular little bizarro world, i.e., Gallaudet itself, schools f/t deaf, deaf organizations, et cetera.
Let them rail against the dying of the light in their own super-amplified echo chamber.
Gee whiz,
Yep. Very sad, and SOOOO true.
It is evident that you do not know who I am — in general sense, I think I am polite, respectful and well-mannered person … until someone else provoked the wrong buttons.
Civility is about two-way street, not one-way street. Pay attention to what you do around people at all times.
Just read what Oscar said: Civility is respect. I simply cannot respect one who does not respect me on all levels. Why should I? I am not going to respect your anti-gay comments and so on. I reserve the right to dishonor you once you attempt to impose that on me first.
All my good friends knew this: I have my set of rules — that respect is about two-way street.
If you cannot see that with me, it is not my problem. It is yours. And trying to use me as an example is offensive.
R-
Gallaudetine: No, I did not attend the pep rally. Yes, theory is always perfect on paper. I seriously doubt I’d have taken my own advice, but I don’t see anything wrong with doling it.. after the fact :)
Oscar wrote a great post about civility and I just happen to feel that you cannot expect results by telling others to act in a civilized manner, but you can certainly teach by example. Responding in anger is only likely to create even more chaotic behavior among the masses.
It all really boils down to this: Do as I do, not do as I say.
In other words, follow the Golden Rule (Do unto others as you have them do unto you), which in my opinion is far more cardinal than any books on religion, manners, or ethics you might find.
The hardest thing about civility is being civil to those who really don’t deserve it.
To take the high road, show class, and not judge.
Anger and offensive behavior breed more anger and offensive behavior. Just look around the world today for examples of that.
Kindness and generosity are contagious, though.
It sounds simple, but it’s really hard to practice.
Agreed Oscar. It’s really simple; if someone pushes your buttons, don’t blow up. Be graceful and civil… then blow up later in private (preferably away from a computer — no blogging, unless you are skilled at channeling that anger in a polite, well-reasoned discourse). Civilization is all about channeling our raw emotion into valuable actions.
My intent was not to tell people to act in a civil manner; I was speaking in general terms. I hope that by continuing the discourse, we by nature become more open to ideas and “isms” that will help set us on the track towards engendering a stronger sense of respect and compassion for our communities. I agree with Bobby–civility is “all about channeling our raw emotion into valuable actions” as well as David’s “do as I do, not do as I say”… continuing the discourse :)
being civil, i think, is unique to each person. what you or i may find civil, others may find rude. to demand a person outside your own control{everyone}, is the definition of insanity. to do a thing repeatedly and expect different results is asinine. in order to effect others, you must first make the change in yourself.wishing others to be respectful is a wonderful goal, but one wonders if you should perhaps state this in a more “civil” manner. as, not a demand, but a good hearted request to help better this cozy place we call home.
sorry i wrote so long, but some things must be stated
Jt, i agree with the first part you said, that “Oscar, it can also be considered uncivil telling others to act civil. Quite frankly, people don’t listen when you command them to respect” that is the truth. and Gallaudetian, lay off the gally school bashing for 3 seconds, ok?? its a good school with a few bad eggs, like Ricky Taylor.
-Miss m
Miss Mickie, you do not know who I am. I’m not going to say anything farther.
R-
[…] Ms. Baldwin–a very, very nice person–made a decision that she believed was in the best interests of the university. It was unpopular, and she knew it. Sure, she got some heat, but this? This isn’t the type of civility that Oscar referred to. […]
CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement to Miss Tamara Suiter!!!!!!!!!!! Lucky man.