A few years ago I gave a workshop on “How to Talk to Your Children Candidly about Sex” at Deaf Women United. Not surprisingly, out of the 40+ women who attended, only 2 or 3 had talked with their children about sexuality. Some of them were waiting until their child was at the age of 13. It puzzles me why people think this is the appropriate age. This age, is in fact, a very late age to begin discussing about sexuality. Children learn about sexuality from their peers and other sources, which is not the way it should be. It is very distressing for me to hear such things because children need to begin their Sexuality Education as early as possible, at the age of 2. This does not mean that the parent has to explain EVERYTHING but the parent can begin by labeling body parts correctly and talking about good touch (holding hands), bad touch (hitting) and secret touching (person touching their private areas), etc.

Through my training with Planned Parenthood, I found wonderful books which have beautiful illustrations. I brought these books to show the women who attended my workshop. They loved them and when I returned to the next DWU conference, a couple of parents came up to me and told me about reading those books to their kids and how much more comfortable they feel talking with their kids and reading the books to them. Sexuality Education is NOT a one-time thing or even a one semester type of thing. It should be an on-going discussion, starting as early as possible. Now those books are all written by Robie Harris and illustrated by Michael Emberley:
“It’s Not the Stork!” (for age 4 and up)
“It’s So Amazing!” (for age 7 and up)
“It’s Perfectly Normal” (for age 10 and up)

http://www.robieharris.com

My experience reading this book to a 7 year old deaf child with hearing parents was that she was shocked the first time. When I asked if she had any questions, she shook her head ‘No.’ Then when she saw me again, she would ask for the “Amazing” book so we would read it again. She asked one question. Then she asked for the book again and asked more questions. Within a few times of reading it, she felt comfortable and confident asking questions. Parents need to build that trust with their children before their children are completely comfortable talking about the contents of the book.

As for my children, I plan on homeschooling them so they will be learning Sexuality Education directly from me, which is probably better for them. ;)

These days, I’m not sure if its a ‘birds and the bees’ speech that people need. I think what kids/teenagers could use is an immediate, follow-up conversation about “consequences” and the importance of moral values and committed parenting.

The following possible dialogue with a hearing child comes to mind, “And if you wind up having a deaf kid, you’ll need to work harder, quickly learn sign language and ensure that your kid gets continually exposed to language. Otherwise, your kid’s life won’t be easy. Are you prepared for this?”

Too many people are having kids when they shouldn’t. I cringe whenever I see people like Britney and others who use infants to replace chihuahuas as fashion accessories.

You and I must have came from the same womb! I agree 100% with your comments.

I have a “tween” son and he is already familiar with the issue of sexuality and does feel comfortable asking me and his father about certain things. I have told him he can come to us and get the real deal, not the “birds and bees” speech. Sometimes those questions do make me feel uncomfortable, but I rather feel uncomfortable for a few minutes than feeling uncomfortable for the next 18 years if he commits an “oops.”

At one point, I was seriously considering going into the field of Human Sexuality, and becoming a certified Sex Educator and Sex Therapist working with the Deaf Community. My experience with many deaf/hoh individuals has indicated that there does appear to be a need for such. I was a former member of AASECT, and was pursuing the credentials necessary for such certification. That strong interest and goal has faded in the last few years, but I still do maintain an interest in the field, and still see the need out there.

Yes, I am a strong believer in Sex Education, and I see no problem with it being taught in the schools…by qualified individuals who have taken the necessary training to teach it properly. I don’t mean that they have to be AASECT-certified sex education specialists, they should have at least attended a few workshops and conferences, etc. where they can gain some knowledge of such.

But I also believe that the most effective Sex Education needs to be a team approach. The parents and the community need to be involved as well.

Why do I say the community? Because the community can and should play a role as well. Doctors can get involved in teaching about STDs, Planned Parenthood can get involved in talking about birth control, community programs for teenaged mothers can get involved in sharing what it’s like to be 15 years old, unmarried, and pregnant.

The harsh reality is that kids are growing up mighty fast these days, and part of that growing up is having to deal with issues of sexuality - whether that means abstinence or promiscuity. We can’t afford to stick our heads in the sand and pretend it’s someone else’s issue to deal with.

We all have to work together. The schools and the community can teach the facts, but it’s up to the families to teach the values. While the school can teach the child what “the birds and the bees” is all about, that child’s views and opinions of sexuality are going to be shaped by the home. And the more information the families have, the better a position they can be in to discuss the issues with their children and help them make intelligent decisions from amongst a wide and oftentimes confusing myriad of choices.

Now, I do have to admit that I have no children, so I might not be in the best of positions to say how I would feel on the subject…but I have worked with a number of teenagers and young adults over the years, and cringe to think what might have happened if I hadn’t been there for them to talk to, ask questions, and gain information from. And while their parents might not have been too happy about it (if they even knew, which in some cases they didn’t), I would like to hope that considering the possible alternatives, they were thankful for my being there.

And even with the best of parents, sex isn’t always a comfortable subject to discuss with your own child. Many kids feel awkward to go to their parents with questions or comments or whatever…afraid that Mom and Dad will get upset, jump to wrong conclusions, become embaressed and uncomfortable, and so forth. So they look for the answers elsewhere - and oftentimes that does mean the media, which as Erin says isn’t very realistic, and often not very accurate either.

Would I have any issues with a properly trained teacher instructing my child on how to put a condom on a phallic device? Nope.

I’d much rather s/he have the information and not need to use it, than being confronted with a 16 year old coming to me in tears with that dreaded confession.

Erin, I started to remember many things at the age of five. Having pact with a very young child on a topic that will happen several years later is not going to be an effective method. Kids should spend more time playing with lego.

I think if parents learn to overcome their fear and be comfortable with discussing sex-related topics with their children early on, their children are likely to go to them whenever there’s a need to do so.

I’m not a parent, but when I do, I’ll be very open with my children at the risk of them telling me one day, “Mom, that’s enough and I don’t want to hear it anymore!” :) I’d rather them hear it from me before they learn at school.

I don’t get the whole virgin thing if it’s restricted to girls only. I am for it only if there’s a purity balls for boys who pledge their virginity to their mother! Or else, forget it. What a double standard it is.

honestly…
life is short
responsible sex seems to make more sense than abstinence
not saying that all teen agers need to go out and start f_cking
but really now…
women complain about their partners being inexperienced…
well, bet that wedding night is going to be a whole lot of fun

okay, abstinence does not mean that they can not fool around
in fact… I have heard stories about these virgin whores who do everything but
and that but includes the butt
is that better?
the functionality of waiting till you are married is to prevent unwanted pregnancy
I say be active but be smart
I am old and married
and well… with kids and jobs we are not as active as we once were
imagine starting a family in your early 20’s
wow…
the sex stops then?
bummer to be that person

youth is for exploration

I look back and wish that I had been more comforatable with my body and with discussing things

prudish behavior is no fun for anyone
not for the prude
not for the partner

it is a hard thing to deal with
your parents and the church tell you that something is bad your whole life
then you get married and you try to flip a switch and say that it is good
well… it is not so easy

and that pledge with a father…
it does seem a little creepy
and what was dad like when he was a young boy?

sorry to unload all of this here
but that topic just freaked me out

no…. sex ed is not a comfortable thing for kids to study in the same sex enviroment
but lots of things are awkward and cause giggling for teen agers

Parents today are in a quandary over this. Many feel the pressure of “damned-if-they-do OR damned-if-they-don’t.”

Since my kid isn’t of school age yet, I ain’t gonna worry for a long while about this stuff (Thank God).

By the way, I think 4 yrs old is a BIT tooooo young to be pledging purity to their fathers. But why to their fathers? Why not to their mothers? I would think most girls would be more comfortable doing that pledge with their mothers than with their fathers. I would think most kids would be feeling uncomfortable doing that with their parent of the opposite sex, wouldn’t you agree?