How many of you remember Sex Ed in 9th or 10th grade?
All I remember was being scarred for life when our class had to watch this horrible video explaining how a woman has a baby. And it was GRAPHIC. So graphic that none of us could stomach eating our lunch that day. I still shudder at that video. The entire semester was hard to stomach. It was uncomfortable, and everyone was mum because it was a co-ed class. Who wanted to ask questions about the opposite sex or their own sex when the opposite sex was sitting right next to you and would probably snicker at you for asking such a question?
I have to say, I learned about sex by reading magazines such as Cosmopolitan and Glamour. How realistic is that? My parents certainly didn’t sit me down & explain it to me (if they did, I must’ve blocked it out of my memory).
Now I’m learning that the Board of Education for Montgomery County Schools has approved of a new sex-education lesson. As the Washington Post explains that the class will include teaching what it means to be homosexual, as well as having the 10th grade class learn how to put on a condom by using a DVD, which will not be including the use of any fruits or vegetables, instead they will be using phallic devices, which was mentioned on the local news.
I’m almost curious to see what it would be like to be 14 or 15 years old and sitting in a class among the opposite sex watching that DVD. Somehow, I don’t think it would be quite comfortable.
Though, I am glad they are taking the initiative and stepping it up in educating teens because so many teenagers are growing up so fast. I think it’s better that they know the necessary information about sex. The sticky issue isn’t the dvd, it’s discussing homosexuality in the classroom. I think it’s better for teenagers to know that they can be whoever they want, and they can choose to be with whoever they want, without having to deal with consequences.
Meanwhile, in the February 2007 issue of Glamour, they ran an article on Purity Balls. Where girls, of all ages, pledge their virginity to their father. The main reason for hosting the purity ball is to celebrate the father-daughter bonding, but for the father to protect their daughters’ virginity until they get married. Some of these girls are 4 years old and they sign the purity pledge.
Now I’m not against abstinence, but that’s a little much to pledge your virginity to your father. But everyone has a right to choose what they believe in.
I’m so glad I’m past that stage of going through puberty. It’s not easy. And I’m certain it’s not easy for parents dealing with teenagers these days. It’s not easy for them realizing that their kids need to know about sex at a much younger age than they ever did. It’s not easy to explain to their kids that they can be whoever they want, and still feel comfortable coming to them and sharing their thoughts. But I do think it is easier to talk about sex, and your sexual orientation these days because I think the world is changing and becoming much more open.
Any parents here– how would you want your teen to be educated on sex? Would you be okay with your teen’s school teaching them about how to put a condom on? Would you be okay with the school teaching about sexual orientation? How would you want them to approach that?
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I am a health teacher for the 9th through 11th grades and yea, I”d really rather the kids learn from us, the professionals than a freakin’ magazine that Thinks it’s “experts” are so wonderful as the magazine edits what they think is too graphic, etc etc.
This is a very tough question to answer nowadays because sex-ed back in the 70s-80s was a lot different than today. First off, HIV is much more prevalent than it was in the 80s. Secondly, not many people back then talked about homosexuality in the academic arena back then. Thirdly, more and more teens than ever before are having sex at a MUCH earlier age than in the past.
Parents today are in a quandary over this. Many feel the pressure of “damned-if-they-do OR damned-if-they-don’t.”
Since my kid isn’t of school age yet, I ain’t gonna worry for a long while about this stuff (Thank God).
By the way, I think 4 yrs old is a BIT tooooo young to be pledging purity to their fathers. But why to their fathers? Why not to their mothers? I would think most girls would be more comfortable doing that pledge with their mothers than with their fathers. I would think most kids would be feeling uncomfortable doing that with their parent of the opposite sex, wouldn’t you agree?
wow…
that purity ball is scary
and well… the name does not help either
honestly…
life is short
responsible sex seems to make more sense than abstinence
not saying that all teen agers need to go out and start f_cking
but really now…
women complain about their partners being inexperienced…
well, bet that wedding night is going to be a whole lot of fun
okay, abstinence does not mean that they can not fool around
in fact… I have heard stories about these virgin whores who do everything but
and that but includes the butt
is that better?
the functionality of waiting till you are married is to prevent unwanted pregnancy
I say be active but be smart
I am old and married
and well… with kids and jobs we are not as active as we once were
imagine starting a family in your early 20’s
wow…
the sex stops then?
bummer to be that person
youth is for exploration
I look back and wish that I had been more comforatable with my body and with discussing things
prudish behavior is no fun for anyone
not for the prude
not for the partner
it is a hard thing to deal with
your parents and the church tell you that something is bad your whole life
then you get married and you try to flip a switch and say that it is good
well… it is not so easy
and that pledge with a father…
it does seem a little creepy
and what was dad like when he was a young boy?
sorry to unload all of this here
but that topic just freaked me out
no…. sex ed is not a comfortable thing for kids to study in the same sex enviroment
but lots of things are awkward and cause giggling for teen agers
9th or 10th grade?? I had my Sex Education in the 5th grade or 6th with my all girls classmates. It was in depth and very graphic regardless of our age. I don’t regret the opportunity although it was embarassing at times. I remember how we often giggled and our teacher was very understanding. A lot of what I learned stuck in my head throughout my adolescent years.
I think if parents learn to overcome their fear and be comfortable with discussing sex-related topics with their children early on, their children are likely to go to them whenever there’s a need to do so.
I’m not a parent, but when I do, I’ll be very open with my children at the risk of them telling me one day, “Mom, that’s enough and I don’t want to hear it anymore!” :) I’d rather them hear it from me before they learn at school.
I don’t get the whole virgin thing if it’s restricted to girls only. I am for it only if there’s a purity balls for boys who pledge their virginity to their mother! Or else, forget it. What a double standard it is.
In second grade, I saw a film of a dog giving the birth to puppies. It was the first time I saw and became sick. I was removed from that health class as my feisty mom told me I was only eight years old. Other students in my class were 1 - 4 years older than me. Yes, my mom made the right move.
Erin, I started to remember many things at the age of five. Having pact with a very young child on a topic that will happen several years later is not going to be an effective method. Kids should spend more time playing with lego.
It’s not that I started learning about sex, etc in 9th or 10th grade. i learned way before that. but i remember the most details about the class at that age and how it was gruesome.
I’m a native of Indiana, and over the years I have participated in workshops, attended conferences, and taken courses sponsored by the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Yes…THAT Kinsey.
At one point, I was seriously considering going into the field of Human Sexuality, and becoming a certified Sex Educator and Sex Therapist working with the Deaf Community. My experience with many deaf/hoh individuals has indicated that there does appear to be a need for such. I was a former member of AASECT, and was pursuing the credentials necessary for such certification. That strong interest and goal has faded in the last few years, but I still do maintain an interest in the field, and still see the need out there.
Yes, I am a strong believer in Sex Education, and I see no problem with it being taught in the schools…by qualified individuals who have taken the necessary training to teach it properly. I don’t mean that they have to be AASECT-certified sex education specialists, they should have at least attended a few workshops and conferences, etc. where they can gain some knowledge of such.
But I also believe that the most effective Sex Education needs to be a team approach. The parents and the community need to be involved as well.
Why do I say the community? Because the community can and should play a role as well. Doctors can get involved in teaching about STDs, Planned Parenthood can get involved in talking about birth control, community programs for teenaged mothers can get involved in sharing what it’s like to be 15 years old, unmarried, and pregnant.
The harsh reality is that kids are growing up mighty fast these days, and part of that growing up is having to deal with issues of sexuality - whether that means abstinence or promiscuity. We can’t afford to stick our heads in the sand and pretend it’s someone else’s issue to deal with.
We all have to work together. The schools and the community can teach the facts, but it’s up to the families to teach the values. While the school can teach the child what “the birds and the bees” is all about, that child’s views and opinions of sexuality are going to be shaped by the home. And the more information the families have, the better a position they can be in to discuss the issues with their children and help them make intelligent decisions from amongst a wide and oftentimes confusing myriad of choices.
Now, I do have to admit that I have no children, so I might not be in the best of positions to say how I would feel on the subject…but I have worked with a number of teenagers and young adults over the years, and cringe to think what might have happened if I hadn’t been there for them to talk to, ask questions, and gain information from. And while their parents might not have been too happy about it (if they even knew, which in some cases they didn’t), I would like to hope that considering the possible alternatives, they were thankful for my being there.
And even with the best of parents, sex isn’t always a comfortable subject to discuss with your own child. Many kids feel awkward to go to their parents with questions or comments or whatever…afraid that Mom and Dad will get upset, jump to wrong conclusions, become embaressed and uncomfortable, and so forth. So they look for the answers elsewhere - and oftentimes that does mean the media, which as Erin says isn’t very realistic, and often not very accurate either.
Would I have any issues with a properly trained teacher instructing my child on how to put a condom on a phallic device? Nope.
I’d much rather s/he have the information and not need to use it, than being confronted with a 16 year old coming to me in tears with that dreaded confession.
Virginia:
You and I must have came from the same womb! I agree 100% with your comments.
I have a “tween” son and he is already familiar with the issue of sexuality and does feel comfortable asking me and his father about certain things. I have told him he can come to us and get the real deal, not the “birds and bees” speech. Sometimes those questions do make me feel uncomfortable, but I rather feel uncomfortable for a few minutes than feeling uncomfortable for the next 18 years if he commits an “oops.”
Beautifully said.
These days, I’m not sure if its a ‘birds and the bees’ speech that people need. I think what kids/teenagers could use is an immediate, follow-up conversation about “consequences” and the importance of moral values and committed parenting.
The following possible dialogue with a hearing child comes to mind, “And if you wind up having a deaf kid, you’ll need to work harder, quickly learn sign language and ensure that your kid gets continually exposed to language. Otherwise, your kid’s life won’t be easy. Are you prepared for this?”
Too many people are having kids when they shouldn’t. I cringe whenever I see people like Britney and others who use infants to replace chihuahuas as fashion accessories.
I am very concerned about the lack of Sexuality Education (Sex Education is NOT enough because it does not cover other issues such as gay and lesbian relationships, what healthy and unhealthy relationships look like, etc.) in the Deaf Community. There is a national curriculum from SIECUS which beautifully outlines what information children should know by a certain age, beginning at the age of 5. This is a perfect curriculum for Deaf schools to adopt but they don’t have trained people who know about this curriculum and how to use it. Also, there’s a Deaf curriculum developed by someone in Pennsylvania. After finally getting a copy of this curriculum, I was appalled how it lacked details and seems baby-ish for older students. The pictures are useful but there’s a lot of information lacking. It does not correspond with the national curriculum from SIECUS at all.
A few years ago I gave a workshop on “How to Talk to Your Children Candidly about Sex” at Deaf Women United. Not surprisingly, out of the 40+ women who attended, only 2 or 3 had talked with their children about sexuality. Some of them were waiting until their child was at the age of 13. It puzzles me why people think this is the appropriate age. This age, is in fact, a very late age to begin discussing about sexuality. Children learn about sexuality from their peers and other sources, which is not the way it should be. It is very distressing for me to hear such things because children need to begin their Sexuality Education as early as possible, at the age of 2. This does not mean that the parent has to explain EVERYTHING but the parent can begin by labeling body parts correctly and talking about good touch (holding hands), bad touch (hitting) and secret touching (person touching their private areas), etc.
Through my training with Planned Parenthood, I found wonderful books which have beautiful illustrations. I brought these books to show the women who attended my workshop. They loved them and when I returned to the next DWU conference, a couple of parents came up to me and told me about reading those books to their kids and how much more comfortable they feel talking with their kids and reading the books to them. Sexuality Education is NOT a one-time thing or even a one semester type of thing. It should be an on-going discussion, starting as early as possible. Now those books are all written by Robie Harris and illustrated by Michael Emberley:
“It’s Not the Stork!” (for age 4 and up)
“It’s So Amazing!” (for age 7 and up)
“It’s Perfectly Normal” (for age 10 and up)
http://www.robieharris.com
My experience reading this book to a 7 year old deaf child with hearing parents was that she was shocked the first time. When I asked if she had any questions, she shook her head ‘No.’ Then when she saw me again, she would ask for the “Amazing” book so we would read it again. She asked one question. Then she asked for the book again and asked more questions. Within a few times of reading it, she felt comfortable and confident asking questions. Parents need to build that trust with their children before their children are completely comfortable talking about the contents of the book.
As for my children, I plan on homeschooling them so they will be learning Sexuality Education directly from me, which is probably better for them. ;)