Last night I watched “Inside the Actor’s Studio” where James Lipton interviewed Matt Damon. Matt Damon said he always felt like a boy when he played his roles onscreen. When a colleague suggested that he try boxing Matt tried it and said it made him feel like a man which enabled him to perform his role in “The Bourne Identity” and “The Departed.”
So boxing makes a guy feel more manly. I can see what he means, there is something about how a boxer presents himself as a man. So what makes a girl feel more like a woman?
The first thing that pops into my head is a pair of black pointy stilettos.
I’m probably the last person that would say this just because most of my life, I’ve been a tomboy. Loose jeans, tee shirts, and tennis shoes. But as I get older, I am more exposed to fashion magazines which tell me what’s hot and what’s not, learning what guys like to see on a woman, and that my wardrobe has to be updated based on my job.
I recall that about five months ago, I was at my old job and complained about the Human Resources Office switching up the dress code to make it more business casual. About a month later, I changed jobs and moved on to a corporate environment. I was anxious about the dress code simply because I felt like I’d lose a bit of my identity. Luckily, I had friends that helped me find shirts that I could wear and still have a bit of jazz to it. Now I no longer look like everyone else.
The next problem was my shoes. I only owned reef sandals and those weren’t allowed, so I had to buy new shoes. I wasn’t too fond of shoes that were flat or even the platform shoes (it just feels too stripper-esque for me because I’m already short, and clunky heels just don’t look good). I ended up buying shoes that have three-inch heels. Now I understand what Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City is talking about! A pair of stilettos really does make you go, “Oh yea” if you know what I mean?
I started off with a pair of black stiletto boots. I had a freak accident with the boots…one of the heels snapped off (This is something I thought only happened in the movies!). I panicked, what was I going to do without a pair of stilettos? I only had those boots for two months. I took them to a cobbler, and he said that it would take a week to get them fixed. What’s a girl to do without a pair of black stiletto pumps…go out and buy a new pair? Those were boots, so I bought my first pair of black stiletto pumps.
The second I put those pumps on, I went whoa. They were three-inches, but whoa…now that makes me feel like a woman.
It looks good with a great pair of jeans. It looks good with a great pair of black shorts. It makes the legs look good. It just gives you that boost of confidence. Those were my first pair of black stiletto pumps…and I’m sure there’ll be plenty more. Just don’t expect me to spend more than $100 dollars on them.*
*Hopefully I won’t eat my words this time around.
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Okay, reserving all gender-construct commentary for another time: you started out comparing Matt Damon’s confidence and the things he was able to do pre- and post-boxing.
What are you more confident doing now that you’ve been devirginized, stiletto-wise? Other than looking good in jeans and shorts, that is…
There’s something about confidence. It can always use a boost. by making myself feel good about how I look in whatever I wear. The confidence I gain makes me feel like I can do anything & makes it easier for me to deal with other people. I feel as if I walk taller & exude more confidence. If you’re expecting me to dole out a list, I can’t because that’s all that pair of stilettos did for me, it made me feel more confident.
A pair of **** me pumps always earns a second glance from me. But I understand that they can be quite uncomfortable with some women. In the end, however, what matters most is who the woman is and her personality.
This blog reminded me of a conversation I had three nights ago with a deaf Frenchman at a NYE party who wore a pair of festive-looking, five-inch pumps covered with silver glitter. He stated that he felt more womanly and of greater stature by being able to tower above everyone else.
This had me wondering if heels were created as confidence boosters perhaps in the 1920s when women sought to achieve gender equity in the workplace and elsewhere. But nope, according to Wikipedia,
Stiletto heels have a long history. I believe that they first started in the Middle Ages (or clogs) as a way for both men and women to walk in the streets of Paris which were frequently covered with ordure, both human and animal.
As for the sexual aspect of Wikipedia, well, the Wiki has a lot of things to say about sexual fetishism, some of which appeal to me, but this particular one doesn’t.
That’s an interesting addition to the discussion. I’ve also read an academic analysis of high heels, the argument being that the appeal of toppling around on heels comes from having women be vulnerable, therefore lending more credence to the idea of “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you” machismo.
Your Frenchman seems to simultaneously confirm and rebut that argument.
Actually, healthwise in the long run, high-heels is not good for hips, as well as feet. I feel we can all learn to be self-confident without having to depend on external circumstances.
Absolutely nothing wrong with manipulating those ‘external circumstances’. I wore a skirt to work yesterday- and it sure buoyed my self-esteem when strangers not only made eye contact- but also smiled and held doors open.
Although, I will say that I think it takes greater confidence to go out in frumpy sweats and your hair back in a messy bun. That’s what I often do (much to the chagrin of my husband, I imagine). Women who make tons of makeup are often the least confident of them all - looks can be truly deceiving.
That’s the way the world works. Look nice and you get treated well. If you want to move up the ladder, wearing sweats and looking like you just got out of bed will not work.
On a tangent here… do women wearing pantsuits exude manliness (or whatever the appropriate term is) that instills respect among your colleagues/peers?
Agreed, JT. Like Erin, I grew up a tomboy and was eventually forced to change my choices for apparel and little did I know how much people would react to it. i admit I use it to my advantage in some situations.
It’s nice on most days when you go out in jeans, hair messed up or pulled back and no one pays attention to you.
I intentionally look like a slob when growing up to fend off the attention I was bombarded with and almost never wear make up. I have this fear of dressing up and invite attention. Guess I have an issue with a woman being objectified. It is not to say I don’t enjoy dressing up and when I do, it’s a treat I have for myself, not for anyone.
During my prom, a staff asked me I had lost weight. I was like what!?! because I was actively involved with sports and in an excellent shape. Then I realized the clothes I wore were baggy and oversized.
My late grandma would always tell me to wear lipstick, use a purse and dress nicely all the times. I roll my eyes and it drives me nuts, but don’t worry, my love for her is grand, I mean bigger than life itself :)
The first thing came to my mind when reading it… Wearing a boxer can boost sperm count… Can stiletto heels match that?
What about more permanent confidence boosters? Breast-augmentation surgery? Tummy tucks? Lipo? Nose jobs? Face lifts? Botox?
I’m all for it, even though the reasons for them may be nothing more than superficial.
If you look at the picture of Erin, then you will see her looking downward! She must be wearing high heels! The ceiling looks nice by the way.
It’s a great picture, yes! I was there when the picture was taken. Can you guess where it was taken?
No idea! I live in “The Flower City” way up north of DC on route 15.
JT:
Spill it… I’m curious because of the ceiling pattern…it looks like one of Metro’s underground tunnels…but I could be wrong.
Yeah. I agree with you Vikki - it looks like it was taken at one of the Metro stations or tunnels.
Though I’ll have to say there’s different things that make everyone feel that much more confident about who they are. What’s that one thing that boosts your esteem?
plus WAD, the photographer was actually sitting, while i was standing, but i’m pretty sure I was wearing heels as well. And I was speaking of the sport boxing, not wearing boxers.
Oh man, I laughed! I misunderstood big time. Thanks for clarifying sport vs. garment.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/.....01817.html
Wish I knew how to post links in comments- but here you go. This is an article about how Oprah added a beauty salon to her school in South Africa - all for the sake of empowerment through self-love.
you know i LOVED that article. It’s like some people considered it vanity or shallow. When it’s not really about that.
Though beauty can be considered a drug, where you do cross the line. But just to buy a pair of pumps to boost my self confidence is not crossing the line.
The article ended with this paragraph:
“Feeling beautiful can build confidence. Being surrounded by beauty can be inspiring. And willfully refusing to acknowledge its value can be a form of ugliness in itself.”
I can’t say anymore than that.
William Shakespeare said it best in Henry V:
Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin as self-neglecting.
So, Shakespeare is saying to clean out the pipes frequently and you’ll be happier?
:)
And it reduces the chances of getting prostrate cancer. So, fap away!
Quite a few people have favorite things to wear that makes them feel good and gives them confidence. Almost like a lucky charm. I have a certain power suit that I wear to important meetings and when dealing with the public. But my real confidence enhancer is my power pearl necklace. A simple strand of quality pearls. I put them on and I feel I can deal with any argument or question or problem. I sometimes wear them just when I need a pick-me-up, because everything seems to change.
When my son got married, I knew - I had to lend the power pearls to my future daughter in law. I told her about the magic they hold over me and she understood. They were beautiful on her….and it’s kinda cool to see all those wedding pictures with my power pearls. But, secretly, I really missed not wearing them - especially when I had to deal with all the guests as mom of the groom. My hand would go up, as if looking for that boost of confidence. When she later told me she had gotten so many complements on the pearls and they had made her feel so good, I knew I had done the right thing. It was her day, not mine.
Your daughter-in-law is lucky to have you. What a loving gesture to lend her your “power pearls”… but I agree, it was HER day, and I am sure she will remember your thoughtfulness for years to come.
My grandmother had a beautiful jeweled pin that she would wear on the collar lapel of her coat, and after her death, my mother gave it to me - along with her story of how she could remember her mom wearing it…I’m sure it gave Grandma that same boost of confidence as your pearls or Erin’s stilettos. I haven’t tried out their magic for myself yet, but one of these days I will, and hopefully I’ll be able to carry myself as tall and proud and confident as my grandmother (a successful businesswoman) did.
Nice blog, Erin.
I admit, there is something to be said for donning a nice business suit and a pair of sexy pumps that makes a woman feel strong and confident and well…sexy. It’s been a while since I have done so myself, and I have to confess that I miss it. I’ve been out of work for awhile, and I admit that during this time, I’ve begun to neglect myself, with the result that I’ve put on a couple of lbs. and don’t much like the way I look whenever I glance in the mirror. I’m looking forward to getting back into the workforce again, so I can start wearing my “power clothes” once more. Kinda hard to feel confident about yourself when you’re shuffling around the house in sweats and big floppy slippers…