I tip toe around this issue, and that’s being deaf.
That’s just because I don’t want to offend anyone who might take it wrong. My being deaf is not the first thing I identify myself as who I am. But why? I should have deaf pride. Blame it on my parents. Well, no, don’t do that. They’re the ones who put me in a deaf school from the time I was born, then in 6th grade I was begging to be put in a public school. They even had a monthly get together with all the parents in the Frederick area who had deaf kids. So no, don’t blame it on my parents. Blame it on me.
I don’t even call myself hard of hearing (I’ve always HATED that term). When I do bring it up, I’ll say I’m deaf. But it’s weird to say that because I talk fairly well. I can understand people 75% of the time, and I might be able to lip read. So I get away with being “hearing.”
This is how I live: the people I’m around are mostly hearing. My roommates are hearing. I hang out with them often. But we always have a blast. One knows some fingerspelling, so if I miss something, she’ll try to get me to understand. I work in a hearing environment, but I’m on the computer most of the time. 90% of the people at work don’t even realize I’m deaf. They don’t see the hearing aids. If they start talking to me, and I don’t answer, they might think I’m a snob. My boss has intervened when people make comments that I didn’t answer them back and tells them that I’m deaf, so I probably didn’t hear them. My family’s hearing except for my sister. I talk to them, if I don’t understand anything, they will sign. But with my sister, we will sign to each other and I also try to sign to her kids too.
I do have my moments where I wish wish wish a thousand times that I could at least understand people on the phone. That, I know would make my life easy. I could just call up anyone I wanted, and most of all, I could talk to my dad on the phone without him ending up saying, “never mind.” Other than that, I’m really okay with not hearing as much as hearing people. After all, I get to sleep in absolute bliss (the trains run by my house every day).
When I meet a new person, sometimes I’ll say I’m deaf, but I don’t always bring it up (it just doesn’t occur to me). I make it clear that I can hear a lot of stuff, but it doesn’t mean I understand everything. Most people have no problems with that, and sometimes will even ask me questions about it.
I can’t label myself as a deaf woman. Yes, it’s a part of me, but it’s not who I am.
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I’m not quite sure I get why you posted this or why you feel the need to “tip toe.” I’m assuming it’s important enough to you, since you put it out there in the public eye.
While reading, I sensed a sort of discomfort with your situation. My problem is, I don’t see anything wrong or uncomfortable about the way you lead your life. Maybe it’s because you feel there’s pressure to either label yourself as either gung-ho culturally capital D deaf or as a woman who happens to have a hearing loss (which obviously still does have its impact) living her life in the big wide world?
If so, I’d like to venture that you’re far from alone and that those who insist on a line defining the either/or of your existence can go impose their views on someone else. As long as you’re happy, your life and identity is just fine the way it is.
Researchers (especially cultural studies/enthography) are working hard to gain acceptance for DEAF as a cultural/ethnic label rather than an auditory one. so if you feel that you are part of the Deaf culture, go ahead and call yourself Deaf — it doesn’t matter how much you can or can’t hear. But if you feel that you are more culturally “hearing” than Deaf, then I guess you can describe yourself as someone with hearing loss. My point — i don’t think people should let their high hearing ability interfere with their ability to call themselves Deaf. :-)
It’s been my experience (from personal observation) that those who think often about their identity are usually the least satisfied of all. Could you be more concerned of how others perceive you- as opposed to your self-perception? Either way, you’re living in just the right place if you want to feel either “lost” or “found”. I love DC!
I always feel in between. I love to be around my deaf friends who get me to the core. But i also love to be around my hearing friends who expose me to things I wouldn’t expose myself to (mostly when it comes to music).
I mention it because some people have pointed it out to me why didn’t i post that I’m deaf on my online profile? or some assume that I want to date a deaf person. so it made me feel compelled to say, you know it’s not how i identify myself first. it’s like 4th or 5th on my list, when it comes to describing who i am.
dc is a good city has that mix of both. that’s why i like it here. it’s easy to meet people in both cultures.
Being in the middle is the hardest thing. I feel like I’m in the twilight zone switching back and forth between the Deaf and hearing communities. I’m Deaf… until someone sees me talking on the phone then I’m hard-of-hearing. It’s not about how much I can hear or my degree of hearing loss. So what if I can talk on the phone. So what if I wear hearing aids. So what if I went to Georgetown University instead of Gallaudet University like most Deaf people. I’m Deaf because I choose to be Deaf and not because someone uses the medical definition of deafness to label me hard of hearing.
Although I believe most Deaf people are accepting of me, there are some who get in my face about not going to Gallaudet University and following in my dad’s footsteps. The truth is I have always believed I needed to get a different perspective to bring back to the Deaf community. I grew up going to Kendall School then Maryland School for the Deaf all my adolescent life. My parents are Deaf and I’ve socialized almost entirely with Deaf people all my life. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s just that now with technology and, hopefully, increasing acceptance from the hearing community, Deaf people have more opportunities to make their legacy than in the past.
I think a good example is the African American community. Colleges like Howard University helped advance the African American community and helped gain their acceptance in mainstream America. The African American pioneers made it possible for African Americans to go to any college in America and work in any profession they desire. The Deaf community is experiencing this phenomenon now thanks to Gallaudet University and the Deaf President Now (DPN) protest.
So next time any of you want to get in my face about me not going to Gallaudet University, just remember that I only used the opportunity that many Deaf pioneers, including my father, have fought so hard to give to the Deaf community.
“in-between,” “being in the middle” — these are positions that often cause one to question one’s identity.
I do this too. I grew up hearing (began losing hearing at age 9) and now still speak well and have hearing friends/family, even as I love ASL and my Deaf friends. Sometimes it can feel like you have a split identity and never fully belong anywhere. I prefer to think of it as belonging to more than one community.
FWIW, other cultures have this too. For example, in Nella Larsen’s *Qucksand* (1928), she describes a light-skinned woman who tries living in various places — a black school, Chicago, Harlem, Europe — and never quite finds a place where she is completely understood and appreciated.
But as in the black community, I think most deaf people are quite understanding about liminal identities, because so many of us (”late-deafened,” “hard of hearing,” “CIs who just learned sign,” etc.) have them.
Erin, have you tried the new Captel phone? I use it to talk to my Mom every week — it’s great — provides full captioned text of what the other person says.
Intelligent, out-going, fun-loving, resourceful and hard working are a just a few things that describe me. I am also hard of hearing. I’ve never considered myself deaf. Although unaided I have very little hearing. I grew up in N.C. and as a child was diagnosed with a mild hearing problem. In my town anyone who didnt hearing near perfectly were considered “deaf”. And because it wasnt common…. it was “taboo”. My family was completely opposite of Erin’s. Instead of encouraging me to embrace and accept my disability…I was told to “not claim” it. I’ve always been ashamed of my disability until I moved to the DC area…where I’ve met people who are confident and comfortable with themselves. Because I’ve spent so many years trying to project myself the way I felt people perceived me…..it has always been a struggle living in between worlds. Even though I can hear. I can’t understand everything…so to the hearing I am deaf. And because I don’t use ASL…but read lips…I’m oral deaf. Then to some who are deaf…I’m hearing.
Don’t get me started with CapTel. I’ve been trying for over a year to get it for my work and home. Every request of mine has been denied because 1) I’m not a resident or employed in Maryland, 2) I’m not a resident or employed in Virginia, and 3) I’m not employed by the Federal government or meet any of the qualifications to use the Federal Relay Service. So where can a DC resident who works in DC go to get CapTel? The answer is nowhere!
Why is DC of all places behind with getting CapTel especially when there’s a large Deaf community that lives and works here, not to mention it’s also the home for Gallaudet University? 36 other states plus the Federal government already offer CapTel.
It’s also ironic that NY, where RIT/NTID is located doesn’t offer CapTel either.
When my parents enrolled me into Maryland School for the Deaf in 1985, they actually had to fight to get me in. At the time, new students had to have 70 dB or greater hearing loss to enroll. I had 65 dB in one ear and about 70 dB in another ear so my parents had to use the debate that I was a visual learner who needed to go to Maryland School for the Deaf.
It would have been cool if my brother enrolled with me into Maryland School for the Deaf, but they rejected him because his hearing was greater than mine. When he reached high school, he could only go to Model Secondary School for the Deaf because their rules were more flexible.
Guess what… now the rules have changed and basically anyone with hearing loss who learns visually has a chance of enrolling at Maryland School for the Deaf.
This is yet another example of how the audiology definition of deafness sometimes clashes with the cultural definition.