I’m not going to settle.
I promise you I do not have an ideal* guy in mind.
Wait, that’s not true. I lied.
I used to. Please take note of the word USED to.
One of my best friends was my ideal guy. So why didn’t I date him? I wasn’t a believer or a fan of long distance relationships. I didn’t think they could work. We managed to stay in touch for about 5 or 6 years before we actually saw each other again. The second, and I swear, it was the second I saw him, I snapped back to reality.
I knew he wasn’t my ideal guy.
That made my dating life a thousand times easier. I didn’t have to compare my dates to him anymore.
Sure I do have some kind of list of what I’d like in a guy, but I don’t hold anyone to that list.
But I do have a couple of deal breakers that would make me think twice about dating the guy.
Are you a smoker? I wish you luck. I really do. it’s the breath, and the teeth stains. Horrible! Someone that’s gonna preach to me about their religion, I’m just not a fan of that. I rather just be who I am. I like you for a reason, not because of what you believe in
Someone who has kids. Don’t get me wrong I don’t have any problem with kids, but It just seems it’s going to add to the drama in my life and his. Completely unnecessary.
So once I snapped back to reality, I’m much less picky about who I meet. I try to give the guys a chance, but if I’m not impressed by the end of the first date or conversation**. There’s a chance that I won’t want to see you or talk to you again. Sometimes it ends up being I’d much rather be friends with them than date them.
Now, I’ve had friends tell me to settle. Why should I? They think I have my standards too high. I don’t think so. I completely disagree.
There were some moments that I would get frustrated and think to myself, just MAYBE I should make some changes as to who I should or want to date***. That’s when I even mentioned this to my mom. And thank god she is my mom because she told me, don’t settle. you’ll find the right guy when it’s your time. Boy, did I breathe out in relief.
I don’t care if all your friends are off getting married. They got lucky with finding the one they want to spend the rest of their lives with. But they’ll still be living enviously through the single folks as we traipse around the city with our best girl/guy friends. As for you, enjoy what you have now. Treasure it. When it’s your time, it’ll come. I had better believe that too, after all I’m always saying, “It’ll happen when it happens.” I simply have to believe that.
Especially if I don’t want to settle. I want that “THE ONE.” and I know the rest of you do too.
* Tall, dark, handsome
**Conversations with online folks.
***Even though I have no clue who I want to date
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A no-no on kids? You’re sure you want to do that? Sure, it does complicate things, but I’d have never met my girlfriend if she wasn’t so accepting of my son and seeing the bigger picture of the good things that can come of out it. Besides, a person’s parenting skills can be a testament to his/her character. I’m cool with the rules regarding smokers and religion, but keep an open mind on these single parents! :-) That’s my two cents…
Now I said, it’d make me think TWICE about it, but I wouldn’t use it against him (unless there was a lot of baby mama and daddy drama… then I wouldn’t want to be part of that.)
Fair enough! :-)
Do you consider yourself lucky tho? I know a lot of people who’d be running for the hills upon finding out a new date has kids. “Baggage,” is usually what many people think.
I wouldn’t want to date a woman who had children because I know this: 1) I would be stuck with a partner whose ex-husband would be still involved in her life with her kids that may or may not be living in our house (ex-husband may be involved in decisions that may put a strain on my relationship with HER); 2) kids may never listen to you by saying “you aren’t my dad so you can’t tell me what to do in the house.”; 3) If the kids do something in the neighborhood or damage things, etc. that results in a legal action against YOU even though it is NOT your biological kids that you’ve never adopted).
This is just opening a can of worms that I’d like not to get involved with. Call me shallow but I’d rather date/marry someone who is free of children.
Yes, I’m very fortunate that someone has taken a chance on me. I do admit that dating and kids is quite complicated on many levels, I still do advise to tread lightly and make sure you know what you are dealing with. However at the same time, if you focus on the person, you’ll know whether to take the chance, kids or not.Is this really any different than someone that has “baggage” which really comes in many shapes and forms nowadays.
Well… very well written. On the other side, I am in the situations when most of my friends have gone traisping off to marry-marry land. Hmm, not much to do about that, but i am enjoying my singleness as well as waiting for THE ONE as well.
* I don’t smoke.
** I am nifty on AIM
*** No kids here.
**** I live in the DC area… even better!
Best of luck to you, Erin. :)
I’m surprised that nobody has said that it’s MUCH easier for a SINGLE father with KID(S) to snag a babe, rather than vice versa.
That is true, Julie. It’s the same principle as with a guy and his dog (even better if it’s a puppy). Babes go wild for guys wielding around babies or dogs!
Oops. Was that very un-P.C.? =)
True. Very true. Although I will say this- whenever I see a guy walking a tiny dog, I know instantly that he’s taken.
Erin, What would you say if you finally got your “THE ONE” and later in life after you got 3 kids and find out that “THE ONE” is not “the one” afterall. with 3 kids how will you feel if another dozen “THE ONES” do not consider you qualified because you got 3 kids?