Hearing people are actually expected to respond to almost all inquiries directed at them. It’s kind of sick, in a way. It means us deaf have to turn around and find people glaring at us for “ignoring them” out of rudeness.

I have a hearing dog and I am slowly getting used to the fact that my deafness is more “visible” now– although frankly from the number of people that ask me for directions, obviously not visible enough ;). But no more dirty looks, ahhh.

Boy, do I feel this “ambassador” pressure at times… and I also force myself to reject it again and again or I’ll drive myself insane.

Civility is good, very good. We should all pretend to be actual human beings. I routinely sign “thank you” to cashiers and other people I interact with. If I feel like it, I’ll maybe joke as things arise. I see them all the time, you know.

You are not obligated to go out of your way to be more socially friendly than a hearing person.

Whenever I feel pressured to “explain” deafness to a nosy parker of a stranger, I find myself thinking of Alice in Dilbert: “Must…control.. fist of death.” Don’t you?

I am finding again and again that “no I don’t need to let people fondle my dog just because they want to.” I thought I was okay until the day I saw a woman trying to get my dog to jump on her, and it hit me hard that she was trying to undo my training because she thought it was cute.

Anyway, people don’t have a right to explore your handicap because they’re curious, either. “Hey, is that an ipod or a cochlear implant? What is that sidekick thingy? Can I try it?”

Chant along with me… “Must… control… deaf fist of death!!!”

Most times, they are often just trying to say hi in an socially awkward manner. Just do the old subject shuffle, or pretend to be deaf and do the sidewalk shuffle.

I’ll give you a personal example. I took a yoga class, and there was a girl there who was sorta creepy, like Adam’s airport guy. She picked up the sign-in sheet and walked up to me with this broad, wild-eyed grin. Then she handed me the sheet.

So I signed the sheet, and both signed and voiced, “Thanks.” The tone of my voice was clearly civil, but also conveyed my puzzlement and discomfort at her approaching me like that. She never bothered me again, but I observed her trying to learn sign and such. So all was not lost.

The best way to make long-lasting, profound changes is to do it one person at a time. So if you want to see changes in the Deaf world, then unfortunately you gotta be ambassadors when the situation arises.

My 2 long cents.

~ A Deaf Pundit

While I agree with Jenny that you always want to encourage potential interpreters/allies, I also am intrigued by Joseph’s comments. I too feel that I shouldn’t have to spend my entire life educating people, but that’s how it seems sometimes. As for the “china doll” bit, I agree. It seems we’re expected to not rock the boat, to be heroic, to be passive and agreeable on the surface. How then do we combat that “china doll” image while maintaining some semblance of civility? Any suggestions for successfully achieving balance between the public and private spheres of our lives as deaf/Deaf people?

Audre Lorde wouldn’t agree. Lorde would tell people to educate themselves. She’d say it’s not her job as a Black woman to forever teach other people what it means to be a Black woman. There’s plenty else written round the world.

We Deaf people are often encouraged to be china-doll versions of ourselves. I reject that. We’ve been around long enough for the others to learn about us, show they any interest.

Adam, why didn’t you ask him why he was staring? Rudeness is rudeness, after all.

So, being on your best behavior is important. But hah, will anyone follow that rule? My sister and I flew to California yesterday to visit our folks, and there was this creepy guy who was STARING at us the entire time. The whole flight from DC to Phoenix.

His mind must have been blown to bits from sitting next to two siblings signing furiously.

To add insult to injury, he helpfully showed my sister the emergency procedures pamphlet. When the drink cart came down the aisle, he opened the in-flight magazine to the page with all the drinks listed, and pointed them out to us. And then proceeded to stare at us the rest of the flight.

I was THIS close to just writing back, “yo, we’re college educated and we’ve probably been on more flights in the last two minutes than you’ve been in your whole life. so shut up and look out the window!”

Rawr. But that wouldn’t have been being a good ambassador, would it?