I hate that feeling of jealously that comes with missing out on Deaf social opportunities. Being parents of a 4-year old red-head is a 24/7 job that doesn’t give us opportunities to go out as much as we wish.
Yesterday, Alli and I saw a friend of ours at a committee meeting. Turns out she had planned an Oscars party and “thought” of inviting us, but knew we would be busy. There’s always that “but.” Our “but” is our daughter.
I just wish that wasn’t the case. Don’t get me wrong, I would NEVER trade my little girl for anything in the world, but it makes me sometimes wonder what our social life would be like. People are always asking us: “going to DPHH?” or asking us if we plan to go to a Deaf social event. 92% of the time, our answer is no.
Why? Can you find us a babysitter who will stay with Leah until 1 or 2 am? Probably not. Then it’s not worth it to go to DPHH.
Most of our babysitters are our friends who happen to go out to these same functions.
We just can’t up and at the last minute do something. We need to plan, find a babysitter, and bring Leah over or have the babysitter come.
My brother made a big deal about us going to all lengths to arrange a “monthly” movie date. He didn’t see the point in wasting time and money in going all-out to watch an open captioned movie, especially with the length of time it takes to get movies out on DVD nowadays. Alli and I need our “couple-time,” it doesn’t happen often. Alli and I found a movie that was open captioned (well, it was supposed to be, the movie theatre “fooked-up”), found a babysitter, had her come over, got ready, left for the movies, only to find it wasn’t captioned. We wasted 2 hours, the inconvenience of getting a sitter, and with the 25 minute drive to Silver Spring it was a wasted afternoon.
Whether you’re hearing or childless, it’s just more complicated being Deaf AND with children. These Deaf social events often happen only once a month, or are often improptu — like last night’s Oscars party.
People have suggested that one of us goes to DPHH and the other stays home, then the following month, we do a role-shift. It’s not that easy. Alli and I like to go to events together. We’ve noticed that we have a lot more fun if we go together. So, role-shifting is out of the picture.
Two years ago, the week after our wedding, Leah was with relatives in New York. Alli and I were childless. For the first time in 3 years, we looked at each other and said “wow, it’s so quiet. What do we do?” We didn’t know what to do…it was amazing. With all of the social events we missed, we now were free and didn’t have a chance to “catch-up.” But, that week we didn’t have Leah, we did SO much, we even watched TWO movies in one day at the theatre. Hey, it was a good stress-relief after months of planning our wedding, and it was summer, so sue me!
We had so much fun we decided to do it again last summer, and we went to Ocean City with two adult friends. It was just the four of us (plus a dog).
So, the next time you ask me if we’re going to DPHH or to an event, let us know ahead of time, give us suggestions for finding a babysitter, or better yet…know this…
While we may say “not this time,” we know we get an early start on retirement when Leah leaves our nest.
© Copyrighted material. This article cannot be copied, reproduced or redistributed without the express written consent of the author. As with every blog on this website, this blog does not reflect the opinion of DeafDC.com.
No related posts
9 Comments
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.
Ok Chris, the next DPHH is April 7th. Now go find a babysitter! :) (Easier said than done, of course)
Amen. And it cannot be just *any* sitter, either!!
Rob - when are you volunteering? :-)
*smile* I totally understand where you are coming from. I guess I should be fortunate that I live in a small Deaf community because our events are usually family-friendly. It also helps that there is a monthly Deaf Women Gathering. My husband can take care of my son while I get my girlfriend time. There is no “official” Deaf Men Gathering but the guys do get together and hang out so my husband gets his guy time.
I totally support your monthly dates with Alli. It’s very important for all couples to have that. My husband and I have a weekly date, an evening set aside for us to spend time together, whether it be watching a movie or playing a game at home. It’s not the same as going out but we will do that when our son is old enough for a babysitter.
It’s tough to keep in touch with friends who don’t have kids. I’ve noticed that my husband and I are spending more time with friends who have kids or have a baby on the way. I hope your friends will read this and make an effort to include you and Alli at future events. =D
probably easier than done but why dont you find a older aged person to become your “regular” babysitter, so you will always have her/him when you need one?
This is why my older sister lives near her family. They tend to ask me or my sister to babysit the kids. I’m usually okay with babysitting them for like 2 or 3 hours, but if it’s longer than that. I need help!
I tend not to mind watching the kids when it’s warm outside, that way i can take them to the park, putt putt, or just to the pool.
Though my parents do sometimes watch the kids on a friday or a saturday night for them.
one thing my sister has learned to do is to book me, my little sister, or our parents a month in advance. Otherwise we’re all busy, and they’re stuck. She takes advantage of the fact that family lives close enough, and that she doesn’t have to pay us……..
I totally understand you and Alli - I’m guilty of this myself - of not inviting friends who I know have children because they often turn us down or have hard time finding babysitters, etc. As a result, I go “they got kids, so not worth it..”
also in today’s time and age, there are NOT much people who I would trust to watch my own children. i suppose you two have that issue, as well.
however, dont forget. there was life before children. there still should be during, as well. :-)
just my 2 cents’ worth…
[…] Parents confronted meeting their daughter’s date or not bein’ able to go out as often as before. But all that–and more–might come to an end according to a story on peak oil. Which is why you want to get free internet access before it’s too late. Oscar wrote a tribute to Dr. Panara, while Bobby and Alli confronted contemporary issues of high-heels and bottled water (don’t they go hand-in-hand?). And to top it all off, we got featured in Express. Wasn’t that cool? […]
jeez, try to find a hearing ASL student in your area as a babysitter [obviosly, some one you can trust}
thats what my parents did once a week.