In almost every blog I read these days about a deaf person standing up for himself, there will usually be at least one comment that looks something like this:
“Oh, grow up! Not everything is about audism! You can’t blame hearing people for not knowing how to react…”
This type of comment rarely varies with the story. The deaf author of the original blog might have assertively resolved a problem with an airline attendant, a pet store employee, or anyone else. Nonetheless this type of comment informs him in every case that he was wrong to do what he did. It also doesn’t matter what type of assertive action the deaf author actually took. Calmly talked to the guy? Oh grow up! Assertively expressed frustration by saying, “When you said that, I felt irritated”? Not everything is about audism!
Don’t you find that kind of response disturbing? I do. For one thing, it’s an expression of frustration in and of itself (indicating that the commenter can tolerate his own frustration but not anybody else’s). I also find it disturbing because I happen to agree with one part of it: indeed, not everything is about audism.
But so what? Plenty of things are about ignorance, and ignorance is bad enough. Many of us know all too well how it feels to put up with hearing people’s ignorance day after day. The hearing flight attendant didn’t know what to do with us; so now we’re a bit weary of flying. The hearing pet shop employee had no idea how to meet our communication needs, so now we’re on guard against the next clerk that might say something insensitive. We can let these things go, but if we don’t do so efficiently, an isolated incident can quickly feel like an unrelenting bombardment of ignorance. And ironically enough, this is when we’re most likely to respond with anger—not assertiveness.
Why should that be so?
Some people unfortunately believe that anger and assertiveness are the same thing, and furthermore, they’ve been trained to believe that anger itself is inherently bad (rather than a natural emotion). Thus they shy away from developing their own assertiveness skills—in much the same way that they shy away from expressing (or even allowing themselves to consciously feel) anger. But in the end that system cannot work, because anger is generated from stress. If a customer service rep hangs up on you during a relay call (thinking you’re a telemarketer), that causes stress. If the flight attendant wants to bump you up to first class because your original (and the only remaining) seat in the coach section is right next to the emergency hatch—how will he be able to open it if he can’t hear the instructions?—that causes stress. It causes stress even when you get a freebie out of the situation (a first class seat for the same amount of money as a coach seat, for example). You might argue: Who wouldn’t want to be bumped up to a first class seat from a coach seat? Good question. But how good will you keep feeling once you realize the airline attendant apparently didn’t think enough of you to hand over the laminated set of illustrated instructions that she was holding right there in her fingers?
Where do you think all of that stress goes? It adds up, and you’ve got to deal with that stuff. If you aren’t dealing with it, rest assured that it will someday deal with you—probably by giving you a heart attack. Stress doesn’t magically dissipate just because you’ve trained yourself to stuff it down and ignore it. Stress doesn’t acknowledge your dysfunctional belief that irritating events will somehow simply bounce off of you. You can’t cheat your way out of getting rid of the stress, either, not even through so-called “healthier” outlets. A hard game of racquetball won’t help you get over the way the ignorant hearing clerk at Blockbuster treated you last week because the racquetball isn’t the problem. The clerk has been clueless since you first met him a year ago, and he’ll still be clueless tomorrow. No matter how many times you smash the ball into the wall; in the back of your mind you’re going to wonder whether or not that clerk might have long since learned from the error of his ways if only you had said something to him!
What if all of your silence, all of your “good,” non-confrontational behavior in fact helped create a large part of your resentment toward the guy? Maybe that’s why we keep seeing these types of comments. Some people cannot handle their discomfort over watching other deaf people stand up themselves because it reminds them too much of all the responsibility they never took for their own lives. That’s why they need to emphasize so strongly that “not everything is about audism.” The criticism might be true, but nine times out of ten it’s also irrelevant. Thus it distracts others from the process of developing their own healthy boundaries, their own healthy techniques for resolving conflicts. And why should that surprise anyone?
If you don’t know how to assert yourself, distraction is probably the only coping skill you have.
© Copyrighted material. This article cannot be copied, reproduced or redistributed without the express written consent of the author. As with every blog on this website, this blog does not reflect the opinion of DeafDC.com.
Wow Chris…I’ve always thought you were a versatile writer and hard-nosed philosopher :) But I can’t help but nod along the way and shout “Hell yeah!” My opinion, I think you are correct in that people take it into themselves and lash out among other peeps when they simply feel like expressing themselves publicly (be it Blogs/Vlogs and/or face-to-face conversations).
Now I have a question to support your statement and expand on your discourse here: what can we do to those who tend to shun our voice and/or simply state, “to grow up”? I vaguely remember this type of discussion took place on this blog months ago, but it’s healthy to bring it up again. I’ll respond to my question after I get a few commentaries first, so I can organize my thoughts.
Chris,
It’s not just about distraction and audism and yadda yadda yadda. It’s also about picking your battles. Education takes a lot of time, patience and (often) repetition. The way I see it, it’s about prioritizing the issues in my life that are important to me and dealing with what I can.
Honestly, to me, so much of this “audism/ignorance” talk really needs to boil down to one thing: common sense, or the lack thereof.
Is it worth it to try to educate/re-educate someone who obviously doesn’t have common sense or street smarts? Is it worth it, as you pointed out, to be frustrated because one guy at a local Blockbuster doesn’t “get it?”
It’s about as effective as being frustrated with a driver who’s blocking an intersection in rush-hour traffic.
I think that one of the biggest things that we need to learn is tact. In addition to learning to be introspective and better understanding the inner workings of our psyche, we can better program how we react to such situations. In other words, we could “pick our battles” as Hilary said, and picking the ones that will cause us the least discomfort, or we could pick a standardized attitude that can be applied to all situations.
Also, we have to think about it this way. “Is it about me? Or is it about him/her/them?” “What is it about, really?” “Is it something that I cathect?”
(Cathect means to somehow be as you are, yet it draws a typical reaction from people…if you look like a wimp, they’ll treat you as one.. if you look tough, they’ll respect you as one, if … you get the idea..)
Often I find myself receiving almost the same type of responses from others when they meet me.. Speaking of hearing folks, most tend to assume a brotherly role and try to take care of me, often giving me a “thumbs up” which, by the way, I hate so much because it’s just plain condescending..So I end up feeling inferior.
Often, I do this–I try to imagine being in that person’s shoes and visualizing how I would prefer to have that deaf guy tell me that he can manage just fine and that my actions are condescending and audistic. It helps me formulate my response.
Another thing to think about is: Do most of us even have the guts to tell people in their face that what they did was just plain oppressive? I struggle with that a lot.
We have to learn what it is about first before react otherwise we react out of anger and all for the wrong reasons.
Just to clarify — I wasn’t talking about “picking battles” in terms of comfort or discomfort. I was referring to the idea that there are clearly times when we need to engage in battles. Fighting a school district to get qualified interpreters for children? YES. A cashier at Blockbuster? Maybe not so much. We shouldn’t need to feel that we have to educate *every single person* we come across. At least, I don’t feel that way.
Cheers!
And here’s to tact — it’s SOOO important! But sometimes a hard line is needed. There’s definitely a huge difference between “listen [bleep], listen to me you [bleeping] idiot” and “If you don’t take 5 minutes to listen to me explain the situation, I’m going to have to ask you to call your manager right now.”
Yes, Hilary, I agree. And that difference IS the difference between anger and assertiveness.
It’s never wrong to be assertive (not you that implied that it is, Hilary, but the people who make the type of comment I described above certainly do). It’s not wrong to FEEL angry (note that I said “feel”). It’s not even wrong to express anger–it’s just that if if your expression is not assertive, then it’ll either be ineffective or abusive… and sometimes probably both.
Now I agree with Hilary that it’s useless to rail against the guy who is blocking the intersection during rush hour traffic. But you might be surprised at how many situations you’re letting slide because they don’t seem to measure up to the nobility of getting qualified interpreters for deaf children. It’s you who has to deal with comparatively less noble (though just as irritating) situation with the clerk at Blockbuster, your neighborhood grocery market, your local movie theater… etc. Those places are a part of your life, part of your daily functioning and existence. No, you don’t need to educate EVERY Blockbuster clerk you come across, but for your own sake you should assess just how much effort you’ve put into educating the one at the store just up the street from your house. Who else is going to do it if you don’t? And if ESP has thus far not proven itself to be an effective mode of communcation, why should this guy start reading your mind tomorrow? Tell him whats bothering you! Make sure that what you tell him is something he can actually do something about, but tell him anyway. Don’t walk home with the stress. Your home doesn’t deserve stress that originated outside of it.
I agree that if something happens that truly bothers you, no matter how trivial it may seem, it is important to discuss it. If someone says, ‘Oh get over it! That ain’t audistic!’ then I think we should consider the source of who’s saying it. Is this a person who matters to me? Is their opinion truly important to me? Is that person in a position to help change things for the better?
When you’re being assertive in expressing your anger, frustration or distress, you won’t always get answers, and you won’t always reach a resolution, but you’ll lay the groundwork for others to get those answers or resolution.
And with the Blockbuster clerk example, you can always talk to the manager and say something like, “This clerk didn’t treat me with respect. I am a customer, and I deserve to be treated with respect, regardless of my hearing status.”
You can say it in an angry tone without screaming, to show your passion and depth of how it impacted you, but nobody can accuse you of being abusive, because of your words.
I think that’s something many of us need to learn and understand.
I totally agree!
However, let me just point out that it is worth considering why X, Y or Z situation is bothering us. We all grew up with different experiences, attitudes and feelings about our own deafness. What may bother you may not bother me and vice versa.
That’s not to say our FEELINGS aren’t important. They’re completely valid. But there are some feelings that we have that may be…I don’t want to say “inappropriate.” That’s not the right word. But sometimes we have strong feelings because we view things in an exaggerated context or unrealistically.
For example, I know I tend to get upset over trivial things (like my roommate moving a flashlight when the power was out and I didn’t know she had moved it and I couldn’t find it while I was rooting around in the dark). But I find that if I give myself a few minutes to breathe and think, I realize that it’s not such a big deal and I can approach the situation with a more healthy, rational perspective. So instead of texting my roommate to say “where’s the [bleeping] flashlight?”, I could say “I didn’t realize you had moved the flashlight — I would have appreciated your letting me know the power was out and you used it.” The latter is a much more healthy, calm response.
Basically, I do advocate for aggressive action WHEN necessary, but it’s also important to keep a healthy perspective of the situation and not respond out of “instant anger.” Walk away if you have to, take a few deep breaths, come back, and have a calm conversation.
:)
Yeah. I agree with that, and thank you for pointing that out. :)
Good pointed agrument about the difference between assertive and aggressive “approach” to resolve the problems of audism and perceptive and societial attitude toward deaf people, Chris Heuer.
You hit the nail on why and how many deaf people choose to be apathetic and whine about the so-called system blindly oppressing almost every of us.
Being assertive will lead to many opporunities and problem-solvings.
Being aggressive will get ourselves nowhere!
Playing smart and make compromise to make things go very well for every of us. People would find someone assertive to be reasonably dealt with than jumping up and down and scream “You, audist!”
The hearing society at large still are very ignorant about what the meaning of “audism” since they don’t realize at all. Education and self-assertiveness are only the way to get our messages across the room.
Robert L. Mason (RLM)
RLMDEAF blog
Chris,
I learned to control myself when I get into a situation but it depends what kind of situation that I will speak out.
For example, I have had a person that refuse to write to me and called me an dummy idiot, etc etc. My response would be (inside of my head), this guy got a problem and I don’t. So I just walk away. And this guy that called me a dummy idiot might could have been illiterate which was the reason that he did not want to write to me or able to read my note.
But if I come up to a situation that this person is doing more harm to demoralize deaf people or spreading biased informations that could hurt deaf babies, then by golly, I am going to stand up and speak about it whether it is subtle or not in how I’ll be communicating.
John
Deafness is SO stressful because our inability to hear isn’t that obvious to the rest of the world. It’s not like we carry a white cane. They expect us to respond like hearing people, so they treat us like hearing people. Sometimes I simply get tired of telling people I can’t hear over and over and over. Because I grew up hearing my speech is crystal clear. People forget I can’t hear since I talk. Talking is a mixed blessing. I hate to say this, but sometimes I’m envious of my friends who have “deaf speech” because hearing people GET it. Some of my friends with deaf speech hear better than me, but they grew up with their deafness, whereas I didn’t. So people forget and I’m constantly reminding them. Then they make jokes. “Yeah– I’m going deaf too.” hahaha! I don’t think it’s funny. Or there’s disbelief. “Wow– you talk really well for a deaf person!” Even rudeness– “WTF?!?” I get sick of it, I’ve gotten every kind of response, and so sometimes it’s just easier to avoid it. I forget who I’ve told too.
Since I work with the public I know it’s best not to be nasty about it. I try to smile a lot. Touch people, wink, do favors, tell jokes. I meditate at home. I get a lot of painful migraine headaches. I’m sure they’re caused by stress.
Good blog.
Thank you, Mr. Egbert but we already know how you deal with some things.
Hi John– Well– That wasn’t a nice thing for DT to say. We all make mistakes. I have stuck my foot in my mouth many times and written things I wish I didn’t.
Sometimes it’s not possible to walk away. There are times you need to do business with someone who is rude. It’s SO awkward. Mostly– it doesn’t do any good to tell them off. People like that are sometimes just itchin’ for a good fight. It’s a control thing. Makes them feel BIG when they get you riled up.
I agree that a systematic campaign of audism does not inform every obstacle faced by the deaf.
That said, I am deeply pessimistic about the prospect of enlightening boneheads on the subject of deafness.
Instead of informing people of the error of their ways, I prefer to let my frustrations simmer within me. I marvel at the boneheadedness of boneheads.
Years ago, I gave up my belief that I could change the world for the better on matters of discrimination. After all, nobody likes to hear that s/he may have been ignorant or oppressive — that approach doesn’t win friends or even grudging respect. The flight attendant or the Blockbuster clerk probably isn’t going to change his/her views on anything, except, perhaps, to judge you as uppity and overly sensitive.
Furthermore, I haven’t seen a compelling mechanism of resistance.
Yes, it may be good to vent, but that might just be a manner of letting the majority steer my existence into an unhealthy realm of anger; perhaps, the majority might subsequently move to ostracize me, on the grounds that I complain and don’t play by the rules.
Yes, it might be good to assert oneself by congregating with the deaf and organizing against the restrictive boundaries of a hearing world. But that strategy may also play into the hearing world’s segregation of deaf people into a contained subculture — a ghetto that constitutes an easy target for the majority.
Somehow, it seems that the best survival strategy is to ignore the apparent obstacles and to try one’s best at negotiating a tricky, if unfair, playing field.
I have a friend who makes it a point to write one letter a month to some business she feels isn’t accommodating enough or a senator on accommodation issues. I like this idea because she’s proactively addressing problems she sees, but not necessarily confronting people face to face. I bet just the activity of writing and sending the letters off maybe relieves a little stress for her too.
However, I wouldn’t want to do something like this too often. Monthly is fine– daily would be too much. I think some people have a tendancy to become too focused on pushing for rights and more and more accommodations. While I’m glad these people are out there fighting for me, they seem bitter. I wonder where all that anger comes from. I don’t have it in me.
I also see life as a deaf person as navigating an obstacle course composed of “boneheads” although I have less complimentary terms that I use.
What Chris seems to be saying and what others are explicitly stating, is that you have to make a conscious, informed decision about the situations that you are confronted with. Assertive versus aggressive is also another decision that you have to make when dealing with certain situations.
It’s a very personal decision, in many ways. Some people are comfortable confronting “boneheads,” and others simply avoid them. I usually deal with “boneheads” by having a very frank discussion with their supervisor. It’s not my place to deal with corporate drones who might be following a particular sales script, but the people who manage them, that’s another story.
I recently had an encounter that left a bad taste in my mouth so this issue has particular resonance for me. No matter how well educated you are, no matter how professional you are or how successful you are, and no matter how well you speak, you are, in the end, D/deaf.
I resolved it, but as usual, with all good short stories, the ending was ambiguous.
good article, Chris. If I understand correctly, this blog is about deaf people dealing with stress, frustration, and ignorance, and also about coping, assertiveness, and distraction.
Here’s my take on the matter: my peace of mind is too precious to disturb on account of other people’s bad behavior. I agree with what Hilary and others said above, you have to assess the situation; should spend your time and words on those who seem open to it; pick your battles; choose your priorities; and — I love this — “marvel at the boneheadedness of the boneheads” (hat tip to JS — are you a Buddhist, by any chance? :) The fact that we’re deaf, in my mind, is merely secondary. In other words, it’s simply the human condition. If we were not deaf, we’d be something else, and because of that “something else,” we would still experience anger, aggression, and frustration, and still need to work on our assertiveness and effective expression of feelings.
In my advancing years, I’ve come to appreciate the fact that not everything is all about me, or my being deaf either. When I was a brash, hot-tempered young firebrand, I could never let someone else’s bad behavior slide. I just had to let that person know what I thought and felt. And I couldn’t let go until the person saw the error of his/her ways and admitted that I was right. And if that never happened, then that person was an enemy for life, almost. Thankfully, I’ve mellowed quite a bit since those days. Oh no! Could it be — maturity????
*runs screaming*
;)
Hahaha…
We all have mellowed after all of these years, and yes… it could be ‘maturity’ - or.. we are definitely getting *old*.
*runs screaming alongside with you*
Amy Cohen Efron
I realize as a deaf person that the equation of education about deafness hinges so much on the deaf person, not on the hearing, that it can seem like a tiresome and stressful burden. I’ve had to realize over time the average hearing person rarely comes into contact with a deaf person in his lifetime, a hearie has no concept of deafness, of audism nor the history behind it.
Yes, assertiveness can be effective in many cases where there is a misunderstanding. But when assertiveness doesn’t work, there are too many assumptions made. It may not occur to some D/deaf that the hearie who they clashed with may have had a really bad day– after all, they’re as human as we are.
Thanks for writing this great analytical blog!
After we have gone through confrontations with ignorant people who may have practiced audism, consciously or unconsciously, we tend to vent out to our family and friends even by b/vlogging. It helps me to expand my views on how to deal with the situation whenever I get to face such thing again and some of the commenters made really good suggestions that I would take in consideration.
Yes, I was being mocked that someone said, “Oh boo hoo! Go ahead and cry audism! Everybody is entitled to make small mistakes.” The funny thing is that I have never even mentioned the word audism in my vlog but only one commenter did so it got blown out of proportion.
I admit that maybe I have overreacted and would have just let it go but again it is not me. I would rather deal with the situation than just to fret about it because this way, you are indulging more stress. It just happens that the pet store is so close to my home so why not just stop by and mention it to the manager and see what happens. Sure enough, the discussion was productive so I felt a lot better and the feeling of stress disappeared.
I just wish that ALL public schools celebrate and honor Deaf Heritage/Studies month like they do recognize Black History month. It will be no question that it will make a tremendous difference starting with educating the youths.
Well, I’m one of those people who will tell others that a situation is NOT audistic. I’ve got my own definition of audism, and it doesn’t include the fly that landed in my Deaf soup, either.
The danger is in the fact that too many people take the word “audism” and apply to to just about anything. The fly in the soup analogy is just that, but it serves to paint the larger picture of how people misuse the word “audism” to mean things that are somehow inconvenient to the person or Deaf people in general.
The flight attendant on a plane may not know what to do when she meets a Deaf person. To fly off the handle and accuse the woman of being “audist” serves no purpose, especially if we agree the woman was ignorant about how to talk/deal with Deaf people and their needs.
Likewise, people don’t generally label the Deaf person in this case as being ignorant if the person doesn’t know how to deal with a flight attendant, do we? Nope. Generally, the focus is on the flight attendant, and less so on the Deaf person’s own responsibilities towards that situation.
Advocacy means to educate other people, as well as being informed/educated. That’s something too few people understand.
:o)
Paotie
Hi Paotie:
Yes. All of that’s true. Then again we also have the fact that the deaf author often never MENTIONS audism. I’ve seen this more than a few times, and Barb Digi is the most recent example. See what I mean here? How is anybody supposed to talk about anything if there are people waiting in the wings just itching to jump down your throat and accuse you of crying “audism” when you in fact had no intention of linking the incident to audism (ignorance or something else, yes… audism, no). That too prevents us from being able to separate what’s just plain bad luck from what’s ignorance from what’s overt and conscious audism… and so on.
An example: I used to work for this guy who, even though he had a staff 2/3 full of people who could sign (I should know–I did my part to help train them), when training was over I nonetheless kept getting placed with staff members who had the worst signing skills. And what’s more I started getting a few negative remarks on my weekly evaluations that were directly linked to communication–so it really felt like I was being BLAMED for communication difficulties that this guy had more than enough trained manpower to do something about.
Now is that audism? People might disagree but I don’t think it was. Ignorance, probably, or maybe my boss had a different set of priorities (mine was communication access, and his was putting me where I was needed).
Even so, THAT guy was a hell of a lot different from this woman I worked with back when I was still living in the Midwest. There was a small deaf program in this school and she was one of the four lead teachers. Jesus, she was as abusive as the sky is blue. I once walked into the room to actually SEE her signing “I’m not going to answer stupid questions from stupid deaf children.” I later asked what the question had been. This kid tells me that he didn’t understand her signing (which was pretty bad to begin with) and asked her to repeat what she had just said. This was a good, hard-working kid. He didn’t deserve that. And that’s one of this teacher’s more *minor* offenses, trust me.
So on that range, you know, you’ve got the everyday irritations that we face (exmplified here in the Blockbuster clerk), people who present real problems that need to be fixed (my boss who wasn’t cooperating enough with me on communication access issues) and people who really are sick and destructive.
All I’m saying is that there’s a lot of levels of difficulties here, and in exploring them and talking about them we’re not automatically “bitching” or “whining” or “crying audism.” We’re trying to make some sense out of this whole mess… that’s my opinion. And I wish people would just back off a bit on that automatic response of “oh, quit crying audism!” I wish they’d just listen a little bit, and at least wait to see where the natural course of the discussion leads. If nobody else is talking about audism, why bring it up?
It sounds more like the commenter’s issue than the author’s.
In effect, Chris, you are saying that there’s a predictable topos in deaf discourse, which asserts that “it’s not about audism” — even whether the alleged audism may be palpable or non-existent, or even when the allegation of audism doesn’t exist at all.
And it seems that you are advising us to think critically about this topos, because, if I understand you correctly, it has worn out its usefulness and lost its meaning.
Have I gotten the gist of your message? (While you’re at it, would you please stop crying “audism”? It isn’t about audism!)
Hahaha!
Yes, JS, basically that’s it. I’m going to respond to your earlier post later on this afternoon or evening, too (it was a good one). Just a bit pressed for time, here…
From what Paotie says above, the term “audism” itself has also been overused and has therefore lost its value.
If that is true, and the “it’s not about audism” claim has also lost its usefulness, then we are in a crisis with respect to describing audism. Our words have failed us.
Perhaps we need to develop some fresh terms of discourse?
Just about a year ago, Shane Feldman wrote an excellent blog on this very same topic:
http://www.deafdc.com/blog/sha.....ng-audism/
I’m hoping he will continue to write more blogs like these.
Thanks for the useful link. Your historical knowledge has saved us from reinventing the wheel.
Chris’ blog then seems to build upon Shane’s essay on the abuse of audism. What we see here is a critique on the abuse of “it’s not about audism.”
In case you haven’t figured it out, this whole blog is a continual reinventing the wheel. The same topics get posted ad infinitum.
BD:
That’s like saying a person only needs to read one book about politics that mentions corruption, or one book about psychology that mentions the id. Read two or a hundred that talk about the same topic and it’s a waste of time.
Is that what you think?
In case you haven’t figured it out, this whole blog is a continual reinventing the wheel. The same topics get posted ad infinitum.
No, reading one book does not make you an expert. Depending on the subject matter, complexity of the book and your cerebellum, organization, it just might make you familiar with the source material. To be comfortable with the subject matter, you need to read dueling books with a thesis and antithesis and perhaps form your own synthesis. You need an interest and a familiarity with the subject matter in the first place.
As I see it, the discussion of “audism” has been done to death here. We are all experts on that, one way or another, and we all have different perspectives and thoughts on the matter. You have amply, if cleverly, presented your perspective, which is evolving in a continual dialogue with readers here and your experiences outside this blog.
But, being D/deaf is so much more than just being a victim to audism. That’s why you will never reach true consensus on the “correct” approach to audism, due to the multiplicity of experiences and perspectives here on D/deafness.
And, one more thing, I refuse to see myself as a victim of audism and place blame on the larger hearing society which, as you pointed out in a different blog, is largely indifferent to the D/deaf. We are who we are and what we make of ourselves. Our lives are our choices and — as I said, being D/deaf is so much larger than victimhood which is why I get tired of the same old refrain.
JS –
LOL.
Touche.
BD,
Why do I get the feeling that you’ve been receiving a message I had no idea I was sending to you?
But yes, JS:
“What we see here is a critique on the abuse of “it’s not about audism.”
That’s pretty much EXACTLY what I’m getting at, yeah.
I think you are missing my point –
Have you even considered posting a blog that has nothing to do with audism? Nothing to do with Deafness or problems thereof?
Get it?
Sure! I already have. I just don’t do that a lot on DeafDC.com.
Anyway…
If I may, let me toss you a situation:
If a judge places a Deaf man into jail for refusing to plead after his requests for an interpreter are denied, whether through red-tape or simple ignorance, is that audism?
Let’s ignore legal issues. I want to focus on the judge and his employees.
Is this audism or simple ignorance?
:o)
Paotie
Bad Demographic ..
I wanted to thank you for your comments. I don’t think I could have said it any better than you did.
So, I apologize for the above question. Nevermind - I completely agree with Bad Demographic.
:o)
Paotie
Bad Demographic, I agree with you, to a point, that some things here have been said before. But your claim is itself familiar.
I don’t mean to come across as a Bible-thumper, because I’m not. But can’t we turn to Ecclesiastes 1:10 and find that “nihil sub sole novum” business already expressed in pre-Christian times?
I don’t know how long we’ve been talking about audism, but it seems like people have been making your argument about the “continual reinventing [of] the wheel” for more than 2,000 years.
I also agree completely with you that it’s important not to let ourselves get bogged down in deafness — but then, why are we here on a blog tailored to deafness?
I happen to enjoy what the bloggers here write. And I do think that Chris found a new angle on this matter, even if his comments stem from a familiar discourse about audism.
JS –
I’m not trying to discourage Chris from blogging. Far from it. I’m just expressing a little frustration that a lot of people seem preoccupied with their version of audism. As I have said (and you have observed), there is nothing new under the sun.
And I think I enjoy the blogs that are not devoted entirely and solely to deaf issues more than the ones on deaf issues.
BD–I guess my question is why don’t you read something else then? DeafDC is a d/Deaf blog. People who read it are expecting to read about d/Deaf topics. Audism is something we have to deal with on a regular basis–real or imagined. How we deal with it is important because some of us don’t deal with it effectively. If you’re bored with the topic, then you could read something else. Maybe you could blog about something you find more interesting? I would love to see what you write.
In the meantime I’m enjoying Chris’s blog on audism. Not all of us have discussed this to death. I am late-deafened, so I’m still shocked when people treat me like a second-class citizen simply because I’m deaf. I used to be one of them. This is another one of those late-deaf transitions you have to go through. You start out being part of the majority, then find yourself in a minority “disabled” class, dealing with audist behavior and being looked down on, having people treating you like you’re less competent. What’s worse is because I used to be one of them, I KNOW exactly what’s going on. I can read all the body language. The looks. The gestures. The nervousness. I grew up in that culture. I haven’t had any training on how to deal with this. It sucks. So I am interested in what Chris and the others have to say as they’ve all had way more experience than me.
BD: I replied below. Too claustrophobic in these little rectangles.
*tests the limits of the little rectangle* You’re right, Chris. This does make one feel claustrophic.
The walls are closing in! The walls are closing in with every comment!! ARRRRGH! *curls up into fetal position*
Hahahaha!
Save us! Save us!
Here’s a ladder! *casts down ladder* If we hurry fast enough, we can make it out of here before the walls close in!
…it doesn’t include the fly that landed in my Deaf soup, either.
[laughing]
I love this! Just had to say that. :)
*laughs*
Cool beans! You may use it allllll you like!
:o)
Paotie
Hey you Paotie! Need to say - you sure are one sharp dude!
I agree with you and others here wholeheartedly. The term audist has been applied to any “Tom, Dick, Sally, and Harry”, who have a difference of opinion or say and do something stupid. “Stupid is as stupid does” (Forest Gump). It has nothing to do with anything but just that some people’s way of thinking is just plain ignorance. Intent to put down, or intent to justify a status connected with being hearing bemeaning the one who isn’t is more to the definition of audism.
However, just like racism, and any -ism, people often get confused of its true meaning, or worse yet, fear that that term applies to them and reject its thinking. No one in their right mind purposely plans to be a racist, audist, etc. May not even know it, due to values and beliefs of the families they were born into and without meaning to, come across the wrong way.
John Egbert is a smart dude also, and I think this problem is a shared problem, one that is not going to go away until those of you involved as leaders writing and videoing blogs/vlogs take it upon yourself to practice democracy and ask our community what their thoughts are in order to come to an agreement? In other words, Paotie and John, why not the two of you (since your views appear extremes here) poll people for the definition of audism.
We need to have a clear understanding of this term. concrete consensus about what is audism. Because just like the term “deficit thinking”, there is such a thing as overkill, and terms misused and bent out of shape to the point people are starting to become immune to the word audism. That’s not a good thing.
This bothers me a great deal. When Tom Humphries coined the term in the first place, it was to put a name to an “-ism” of racism, and some folks are even hoping this term can be added to existing laws. So seeing this term become a laughingstock now, really hurts. Why? Replace “audism” for the word “racism”, and realize such are terms are ones we should be using with utmost care to apply to clear situations, and that our community should adopt zero tolerance for either acts, and any type of -ism. We need to bring about a better understanding that will HELP further our community’s goals.
This article raises serious points. Take it one step further as responsible bloggers, get this term cleared up so that everyone can start to use it appropropriately. Yes, there have been some discussions, but not the kind I am talking about. We need to educate our community about specific and serious core examples. If you stop to think about it…it took hmmm, maybe 50+ years for most of America to understand and advocate and publicly take a stand against Racism. Less and less people are willing to throw out the term “racist” at someone without following through with a lawsuit. It’s a serious term, and the cause of it is no laughing matter. Today we see more efforts focusing on diversity and the importance of respecting each other’s differences.
The more we talk about the definition of audism, the more people will understand it and use the term more carefully so that the impact of why its an important term sinks through to those who need to understand this is a practice and or way of thinking that needs to stop. Just like racism.
Chris, as usual great article, thanks for allowing me to share my 2 cents.
Take care.
*laughs*
Well, Mr. Egbert. Your actions speak louder than your words.
‘Nuf said.
:o)
Paotie
BD, All:
I partially disagree with BD’s claim that we’re all experts on audism one way or another. I think we’ve all experienced it to one degree or another, and that it has affected us all to one degree or another. But beyond that? Well, I for one certainly don’t feel like an expert. In fact I think one of the biggest problems we’re having is the lack of language for describing (due to a lack of sharing the experience in the first place–but I’ll get back to that later) experiences that *seem* audistic but might not be.
What was Humphries definition of the term? “the notion that one is superior based on one’s ability to hear or behave in the manner of one who hears.” I respect this definition but it doesn’t work for me personally. For one thing, there are too many “deaf” people out there who CAN hear something. So when they’re walking around listening to I-pods, they’re not so much stuck in a superiority trip because they can “hear or behave in the manner of one who hears.” They just like music.
Similarly, if a hearing person screws up or says something insensitive because he has never met a deaf person before and doesn’t know what to do… is that ignorance or audism? The first few times he screws up I for one would almost have to lean towards ignorance as the source of his reaction, and not audism.
But if I’m being assertive, and if I’m being clear and patient with him, and he still doesn’t change, what then? We have to weigh the situation. If I only walk into the store once every six months, then no, that’s not enough exposure for me to expect change. But if I’m there every week and he sneers in contempt every time he sees me..? Sorry friend, that’s not ignorance. That’s something else.
But that isn’t the point of this blog. BD, I’m honestly not trying to pick a fight with you, here, but this whole “victimhood” thing smells about the same to me as “oh quit crying about audism.” I’m not sure what happened, but if a writer starts out trying to talk about assertiveness (which is about as opposite of victimhood as you can get) and in the comments that suddenly somehow translates into the message “I am a victim and choose to remain one” then something got screwed up.
But maybe I’m misunderstanding you. I don’t know. I thank you for taking the time to discuss this, however.
I think before we accuse someone of audism, (most of the time anyway) we have to establish that they have a pattern of said behavior and they already have been put on notice that said behavior is not appreciated or appropriate. That way, they cannot plead ignorance.
The exceptions are when someone’s in a position where they should know better, like Paotie’s example of a judge refusing to provide an interpreter.
A judge knows the law. He knows he is required by law to provide an interpreter. Hello Section 504 and ADA? And if he doesn’t provide one, then yes, he is guilty as sin of audism.
And in the example of the Blockbuster clerk, if it happens more than once, then I do think we need to take assertive action and first confront the clerk and say something like, “What’s the problem here?” and if it still doesn’t get resolved, talk to the manager.
And IF that still doesn’t get it resolved, then tell them, ‘I’m taking my business elsewhere, and I’m going to tell everyone I know about how disrespectful you treat your customers.’
That’s what I’ve done before when mistreated by people.
You know how when a hearing person, who’s confronted by a deaf person for the first time, turns patronizing? I’m almost always the first deaf person a hearing person encounters, when their voice turns saccharine and patronizing, I tell them, “I’m deaf, not retarded. You can speak to me normally.”
It usually makes them abashed. I’m not going to be some goodwill ambassador of the deaf community, and trying to be that gets tiring most of the time. I do make exceptions when the hearing person is actually genuine in wanting to learn more about my deafness.
You know how they apologize when you tell them you’re deaf? I say, “You don’t have to apologize. You didn’t make me deaf unless you were the one that poked holes in my eardrums when I was little!”
Yep. I’m in line with both DP and Noelle on this. So long as you assertively act on your own behalf, you are not being a victim. Firthermore, blogging/telling about your experience afterward is not “crying audism again,” either, no matter how much certain types of commenters would have you believe otherwise.
(*I mean all of this generally… not directed at DP or Noelle…)
Yeah, I agree with you, Chris. In fact, blogging can be used as a tool to show other d/Deaf how to handle those situations more appropriately. And it can be a good venue to vent, if done appropriately too. We have that right to do that.
Chris–This is a really GREAT point you made. With my type of deafness–a skislope hearing loss, I am essentially deaf to most speech sounds, but I hear many other sounds including some music, and because I grew up hearing I talk well. I am one of those who hearing people find confusing because I do not behave in any of the ways they expect a stereotypical deaf person to behave. I go to the opera. I play a djembe. I talk with my mouth. My hearing aids aren’t visible because I have thick hair. I do wear my hair short, but if I were to cut it short enough so that the hearing aids were visible I would have a man’s cut.
There are times my behavior is a bit odd and uncomfortable for hearing people. For one thing because I speech read, I have a tendancy to “stare”. Sometimes if I’m concentrating I frown while “staring.” Other times they think I’m “ignoring” them when they’ve said something I didn’t respond to. They forget I can’t hear because I talk like everyone else. My behavior can translate to moodiness, snobbiness, and the staring can even seem like I’m flirty. Both men and women have felt uncomfortable with my “flirting”. Hearing people don’t look at each other as much as deaf people. Looking at the lips and eyes in particular is a sign of romantic interest if you look too long– which most d/Deaf people do. Depending on the person you’re talking to, the speechreading can lead hearing people to counter with romantic advances, then confusion when you rebuff them, which leads to anger because it seems to them you’ve been leading them on. OR they feel discomfort by the fact that you seem to be flirting inappropriately. This is just the tip of the iceberg here, because it’s all going on subconsciously since it’s body language. But it can lead to what we might feel is “audist” behavior.
Next throw in Deaf body language. Deaf wave their arms more in what seems to be exaggerated movements and facial expressions to communicate. When a Deaf person is only slightly upset, a hearing person may interpret that to mean they are enraged. Because of their body language. The hearing person may respond rudely, then the Deaf person may wonder why the hearing person was so doggone rude.
I do believe some of it is cultural misunderstanding, not audist.
When I work with new people I make it a point to explain that I read lips, and I’m not staring, glaring, ignoring or flirting with them. I go into a little more detail about my workspace, accommodations and so on. After that, they usually laugh, feel comfortable, and we’re cool.
I don’t have the time to go around explaining to everyone though. . .
Make a t-shirt that says, “I’m reading your lips, not flirting!”
Back in my dorm, years ago, I had a sign on the door to my room, “The world becomes clear as I behold your captivating lips.”
Tacky, yes, but it was a reminder/explanation to the other students in my residence about that whole lip-reading business.
I don’t think it’s tacky. I think it’s clever. :-)
Gosh, you’re so sexy. Me love you long time. Me rowr you.
Sorry for not getting back sooner since I was the 1st to post, but y’all had great ideas that contributed to a ping-pong match inside my head on who is right/who do I agree most with. :P Thx for the ball-whacking effect.
I would like to throw in something random or off-base…I recently saw an advertisement at Gally’s SAC (Student Academic Center) where it states a welcoming debate/meeting on whether “hard of hearing” is now a culture considering research that a greater percentage of students are entering mainstream with technology help. In fact, what the ratio of the past used to be (80: 20 of institution to mainstream) is now the exact opposite (20:80). I will add on the research of this data later when I’m on a decent schedule. You may be asking why I’m throwing this in, it’s because now-more than ever-there are ranges of auditory to visual people currently: Av to AV to aV. Small/large caps meaning emphasis of preferred reception mode. A growing rate of children who has more auditory stimulation would greatly contribute this discussion vis-a-vis cultural ground (and CODAs as well). What then, should the political foundation of measuring audism be a discourse of agreement?