Ok, ok, ok already. Have you ever experienced this — you’re sitting in the aisle seat on the Metro. The person next to you (usually a fidgety, nervous-looking woman) starts to fidget right before they get to their stop. When I say fidget I mean fidget.

They fidget like the next stop is is Christmastime and Santa Claus is waiting for them. Or Diwali is starting and they need to be there to experience truth and light. Or they’ll miss the lighting of the menorah. Or something equally urgent and their bodies are just straining and straining and pushing to get out.

And you are in their way. Squarely in their way. Aisle seat, remember?

You start feeling that anxious feeling of trepidation, wondering whether to get up immediately (before the train has even started to stop) or to just sit there and ignore them and make them wait. Because it’s no fun getting up and then falling down when the train operator decides to slam on the brakes.

It’s the moment of decision. The person starts to motion to you that they would like to get the fuck up and please get the fuck out of my way… or else. Problem is, the train is still moving pretty fast. And there are people standing right next to the seat, blocking my easy exit. So, my choices are the following:

• Ask the person next to me, “Excuse me,” and try to get up fast enough to not be trampled by the straining, nervous person.
• Scoot up on the seat and let the person shimmy by me (hardly ideal as they typically hit sensitive areas with their very sharp purses, feet, and elbows)
• Hold up one index finger and sit there, cool as a cucumber. Get up when the train has slowed down enough and let the person by. Risky — person typically does not have enough patience and crawls over you.
• Ignore them. Risky. Deaf card is difficult to play in crowds.

What I ended up doing that time was #1 above; I got up and let them by. I almost fell down too, because the train operator happened to be of the brake-happy type. On occasion, I play the deaf card and a few times they have yelled in my ear. Not fun. I highly recommend avoiding the aisle seat as it is a nerve-wracking experience during rush hour if you aren’t paying attention.