A friend of mine has acquired a brand spanking new pair of hearing aids. I didn’t realize she was wearing them until she one day offhandedly commented about hearing people laugh in response to something she said.
Cool. I’ll have to ask her later about the experience. I’ve been wearing mine for 25 years — having environmental noise in my head seems second-nature; I’d like to compare what it’s like to experience it as a novelty.
Recently, we got on the metro (orange line, if you must know) with another friend of mine, and chuted off through the underbelly of the city, chatting away. Between stops, the train squealed to a halt, as it is often prone to doing, and the PA system crackled into my awareness, as it is also often prone to doing.
My other friend, who is hearing, interpreted: train back-up.
“Y’know,” said my friend. “Since I got my hearing aids, I’ve come to realize, they — ” she pointed vaguely upwards at the ceiling of the car — “talk constantly.” And she rolled her eyes.
I nodded. In retrospect, I’m not sure what I was nodding at - at my interpreter to acknowledge the information, however trite, or at my newly-aided friend in a sympathy of sorts, to welcome her to the club of “Deaf butts.”
“I’m Deaf but I wear hearing aids,” I’d often told her in the past.
Now maybe she can say the same, aligning herself with the legion of people who are also Deaf but have implants, Deaf but can read lips, Deaf but can speak intelligibly, Deaf but grew up hearing, Deaf but don’t sign, Deaf but live among hearing people, Deaf but can talk on the phone, and so on.
Anyway, our conversation shifted to other annoying things we see people do on the Metro, including cell phone morons who think just because Verizon provides service in the tunnels and my Cingular service doesn’t, they can holler all they want, their voice echoing through my head. Seriously, these people suck; they constantly make me swivel around in a “Deaf butt” paranoia to make sure no one is talking to me and I’m not inadvertently being rude. Stupid noise polluters.
And then my stop came and I bid my friends adieu.
This morning, huffing and puffing on a treadmill at my local gym, I was experiencing another “Deaf butt” private rage. For one, I discovered that my strategy of arriving at 10:50 to grab a treadmill close to a captioned TV so I could burn calories while watching “Ellen” had failed (apparently, everybody does that, and they come at 10:49, duh).
For another, I was stuck with these two women (all the way on the other side of the room) who were seriously making me ashamed of my wimpy regimen. While I was doing what I thought was a brisk, invigorating walk and breaking my personal best distance record, these Amazons were running at full speed, shouting encouragement, clapping, and high-fiving each other. Thanks to my status as a “Deaf butt,” I don’t know most of what they were saying, but I caught a few “WHOO-HOOs,” “Let’s go, let’s go, go, GO, GO, GOOO YEAAAH! HA!” and “C’mon, baby, only TWO more miles!” in there.
Other people were talking, machines were whirring, the club manager was giving some guy a tour, so there was plenty of ambient noise going on. But try as much as I could to pay attention to maintaining my stride and “Ellen,” I almost fell on my ass when they’d erupt in shouts after a few seconds of relative quiet.
After giving them my best evil eye for the umpteenth time, I suddenly flashed back to my friend on the metro, her finger pointed upwards at the invisible metro voice, and her eyes rolling.
And I thought: I wish I could be like that. I wish I could just roll my eyes at the things I hear. It seems so much less stressful.
I started thinking about what made her that way, and what made me so neurotic about my hearing. I insist on wearing my aids; I’m convinced I cannot function without them (I literally fall asleep without them) even though I have a Deaf family and work mostly in a signing environment.
Why am I jealous of my friend, not (yet?) an auditory slave like me? Why don’t I just point a finger (”j’accuse!”) at any offending noise and roll my eyes?
And then it occured to me the irony of my internal dialogue.
For all the pathological framework Deaf people get put in because *sob* our ears don’t work and we’re cut off from the world, for all the times we get told we miss out on so much because we can’t hear, for all the aggressive tactics cochlear implant and hearing aid marketers use in order to convince us (and the rest of the world) of the beautiful joy of hearing, for all the auditory training we get subjected to as children so that we can “succeed,” this much is true:
So much of what’s out there to hear really isn’t worth the trouble.
© Copyrighted material. This article cannot be copied, reproduced or redistributed without the express written consent of the author. As with every blog on this website, this blog does not reflect the opinion of DeafDC.com.
33 Comments
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.
Hear hear! You’re right, so much of what’s out there to hear really isn’t worth the trouble. When I started my first “real” internship with a full-time interpreter present, I quickly realized that what I thought were totally involved and totally intellectual debates among my co-workers were actually, well, totally involved and totally unimportant conversations. Made me feel totally better, too.
Not necessarily. There are some “inconsequential” conversation that may mean little at the time but could very well have implications down the road. For instance . . .
People gathering around the water cooler. “Rumor has it that if the company doesn’t get the contract, a lot of people are going to get laid off.” “CEO’s resigning and they’re interviewing a bunch of folks to to take his place - they have a reputation for cutting down to the bare bones.”
Or: Boss screaming at head of your division behind closed doors. Division head storming off and gathering his/her stuff and leaving the building never to return. If you were able to overhear the boss’ ranting, you’d know that something was up and be prepared to react accordingly.
These are the snippets that would escape us unless a co-worker was kind enough to take their time out to explain to us as to what was going on.
True enough. Absolutely there are moments when hearing would come in handy (especially in terms of communication).
But I note your language: “some,” and “snippets.” That’s my point: for the most part, a lot of sound out there is really inconsequential.
Too bad selective hearing is a personality quirk and not a real possibility.
With my son, I think selective hearing is a real possibility… ;-P
On a serious note, Lolajl has a very good point about overhearing certain things around the water cooler. Several coworkers of mine got promoted because they did the happy hour thing and networked in a business social environment. Very difficult for me to do, but c’est la vie.
During my performance review, I reminded my supervisor I want to be well informed of the developments on a constant basis. He told me it’s a double-edged sword and often I didn’t miss anything really important. For I know him well, he’s being honest with me and he does make an effort to be sure I am involved. It is not perfect but… I learned to accept the limit sometime.
“So much of what’s out there to hear really isn’t worth the trouble.”?
I respectfully disagree.
Good. Now elaborate, if you would.
This is why I only wear my hearing aid, (before they broke anyway) at home with the radio blaring. I like music but pretty much nothing else. It drives me up the wall if I go outside and have to listen to all of the incessant buzz.
Yeah, htat’s how I feel, too. I really do enjoy my hearing aids, but a lot of time it’s just NOISE.
In regards to Allison’s comment that I expand on my statement, “I respectfully disagree” - it made me think of all those times when people would tell me that I was lucky to be deaf so I couldn’t hear this or that, where people would tell me that they sometimes wished they was deaf so they couldn’t hear a particular environmental noise taking place, or where someone would tell me that the other person is making idiotic statements and at how lucky I was that I couldn’t hear him.
I never appreciated those comments which were why I did not appreciate Allison’s comment. To further drive home the point, that might be like telling a blind person that so much of is out there is not worth seeing.
Now I realize that Allison might have meant this as a parody of sorts and if so, then it’s a clever one e.g. the “deaf butts” characterization. Yet, the reason why the last line bothered me was because I’m profoundly deaf and my deafness significantly cuts me off from the world. I’m aware that’s reality and the fact that I have to put in substantial effort with my sign language interpreters either at work, networking, or in moot court competitions at law school is also reality. That is why knowing every little bit of what is going on around me is important to me. What might seem to be a casual, irrelevant comment or some kind of a noise pollution at first can actually become relevant at a later point and I think we all can attest to that. It’s the little things one picks up that can make the difference whether it’s in furthering one’s career, knowing what might be on a exam or knowing which road has a speed trap.
So, again, I disagree with the statement “that so much out there isn’t worth hearing”. If Allison believes that much of is out there is inconsequential, then that’s her own observation. But from what I have been able to pick up vis-à-vis interpreters, that is certainly not my observation.
Please correct me if I’m wrong but from what I’m reading in your comment, your objection to Allison’s statement appears to stem largely from the fact the choice is taken away from you - you don’t get to choose what you want to listen to or not (unless you have interpreters which is a different story).
I understand how that feels. I agree with you to some extent because I work in a heavily political environment (those who know me will laugh at that deeply ironic statement ;-) ) and I sometimes wish I knew what my co-workers were talking about. A lot of times when I do catch the conversation, it really is inconsequential. Most of it is, in fact, gossip about other people. Or sex. Or sex with other people.
Anyway, back to you, Scott… Your choice *has* been taken away from you and I’d like to perhaps give you a different perspective regarding your last sentence “… from what I have been able to pick up vis-à-vis interpreters, that is certainly not my observation.” I know what you mean and what your point is; however, how do you really know that what is being said around you has a point all the time?
The “You’re lucky you can’t hear that” comments certainly to smack of condescension; however, it is well within your rights to be condescending right back. :)
Your response is quite genuine, I think, and I’m in agreement with Carrie.
The first paragraph of your response - the gamut of “you’re so lucky you don’t have to hear this awful noise” comments - brought back a lot of memories, real ones, and I don’t intend to invalidate them — yours or mine — at all.
Rather, I scoff at comments along the vein of “oh, you don’t know what you’re missing, you poor thing.” Along those terms, the ability to hear a bird squawk for hours on end takes on a ludicrous insignificance.
You do hint at a salient point, and I hope others don’t miss it. Because so much hinges on the sense of hearing, our loss — at least IMO — isn’t actually deafness. The true loss is the power to judge for ourselves what we do need to know (as well as access to that info). We lose that power when the access to information hinges on auditory input.
Anyway… that was a long-winded way of saying I still think there’s a lot of noise out there that isn’t worth the effort, BUT I also think your point is nonethless important, and it’s duly noted. Thanks.
Allison - thank you too as well for your points. Please do keep up with your blogs because I enjoy reading them.
Scott,
I have to agree with your comments, yet I saw the point behind Allison’s comments. In fact, her last comment in her blog (not the replies) made me laugh out loud - first time that happened here at DeafDC Blog. I laughed because I understood.
On the other hand, I’ve been on the receiving end of comments on how lucky I am not to have heard them so I understand your feelings in response to those situations. Usually when that happens, I force them to tell me what is being said anyway unless I’m really not in the mood. For the longest time I was envious of not being able to hear what everyone was saying, irregardless of the intelligence involved. I always have, on the other hand, appreciated not having to hear sirens and construction-work all the time when I lived in the city.
I mostly practice the policy that to lip-read other people in crowded places that were strangers was rude. But the few times I did (often in a bar or crowded restaurant), the snippets I caught appeared not important and sometimes amusing to me.
Then when I got CART services, and was able for the first time to follow almost everything in class I was able to catch everyone’s comments in small groups to classroom debates and discussions. This led me to discover that what usually is being said isn’t really that relevant at all, and what may appear to be a fascinating, animated contribution to a class was generally mixed or fell flat. My confidence in groups soared after that, to the point when I actually appreciated a little when I received a comment that I was lucky I couldn’t hear some idiot. I still however, make that person tell me what the idiot was saying.
And the reality is what really is being said some of the time in public are not truly relevant. In my opinion, the realization of this will go a long way in becoming more comfortable as a deaf person. But truly, each to their own.
I always say that I am really blessed to be deaf. That is very simple!
Why waste our precious time on worrying about hearing aid and CI stuff? Enjoy the life!
There are apparent reason for everybody not able to hear. Thank God for not putting up with unintelligble noises around me on daily basis.
I always have the vision of group of deaf people get together with sledgehammer and pile of hearing aids, then slam on them like the deaf French people’s usual ritual back in the late 70s and 80s.
RLM
I’m blessed with what hearing senses I have left and use them to my benefit and enjoyment. Even among the noises that are “not worth hearing” do they remind me on how important noises are. Even as I sit in my office and overhear my co-workers blabbing away and understand what they’re saying. And then I chime in.
:)
Allison, I know I’ve said this before but you are gifted. Brilliance is required to be able to come up with the “crackled into my awareness” phrase among others. *swoon*
Like Scott, I must respectfully disagree too. There’s so much I wish I could hear. Take last night for example. At a dinner meeting, I could hear, with hearing aids, audible conversations taking place at the next table. Call me rude but for a brief moment, I found myself wishing for the ability (or superpower?) to tune in, eavesdrop and know what it was they were talking about. But all I could do was just sadly conclude, “its a low frequency conversation.” Hearing people (I think) take this superpower for granted. They’re able to filter or rather, tune out auditory garbage. And I’ve been told its considered poor form to tune in.
And I’ve two words in response to your second to last paragraph: Celine Dion! :)
one of my favorite blogs ever. im a deaf but… i wear hearing aids, deaf but i talk on the phone, deaf but hearing people think im .. hearing. and i just loved this. especially the conclusion! :)
This is a great blog! I disagree with the statement “some much of whats out there to be heard really isnt worth the trouble”. Simply because…just as someone mentioned that they are blessed to be deaf. It is a tremendous blessing to see & hear things clearly as well. In my opinion…sounds become “noise” when we dont want to hear it…or don’t quite understand it. Its funny because I’m a hearing person who wears hearing aids….a deaf person who can only hear with aids…and all the above. So I can relate to the “deaf butt” situations. Its pretty draining having to turn around everytime someone at my job or in other situations speaks or makes “noise” thats not even directed towards me. But on the other hand…if I could hear and understand “clearly” then I would know that I dont have to redirect my attention to that particular “sound”. If I had to choose…I’d take “hearing it all” over some or none…anyday!
I also agree with Scott. Being in a profession where networking is essential, even the little noises go far. Career counselors, employers, and alumni emphasize the importance of getting your name out there. They say the important thing is to just break the ice, the topic of conversations is irrevelant. People go out of the way for others that they like - or “click with”. So, if talking about sex or laughing over Borat with a classmate gets me my dream job, then it definitely IS worth the trouble.
I see this more as a personality quirk rather than dependent on the ability to hear. You can engage in conversation with a fellow worker on your own initiative, and that person would be encouraged to communicate with you. The proliferation of online technology in the workplace, e-mail and AIM, has furthered the ability for deaf people to communicate with people at large.
Granted, if you are an introvert, then hearing would be far more crucial. But there are ways around it. You don’t neccessarily need to hear. You need to engage.
Exact! I kept on asking, asking, and asking via email or instant messaging and it works well for me. Other method, next to me on my desk is a 3′x 2′ white board with four color markers for people who want to discuss with me in person.
Heh! I figured that out by the time I was ten. I would have long since turned my HA off for those two idjits screaming about in the gym that you described. Why put up with that? You have the means to get rid of it. I honestly don’t understand how hearing people put up with it. But I’m happy, I can just tune in and drop out whenever I want. [PS: on the captioned TV thing: I go up to the front desk and ask for one to be turned on for me. I’m quite willing to get pissy about it, but they have always been very good about it once I explain why.]
Now, there’s two things sort of going on here, as I see it. One is understanding things you do want to understand: conversations with friends, at work, that kind of thing. I got new digital HA just a few months ago and they have been terrific in terms of pulling in a lot more info. At the same time — a lot of unwanted crud comes in. I don’t really want to hear that truck backing up (that beep beep beep beep just drives me crazy). I don’t want to listen to constant musak on the elevators or in the mall or wherever. I don’t want to listen to some stranger discussing details of his or her life with some other stranger on the cell phone. I really don’t need to hear my neighbor’s poor dog barking all day long. And it’s at that point I wonder, JFC: how do hearing people put up with all that crap? And I had to laugh too.
I think that the technology that we are able to use today in order to help us hear is absolutely fantastic.
ever since I started working with my CI:
I honestly love that I can hear the water in the kitchen boiling to inform me that it’s time to put in the pasta. I love that when I forget to turn the water off upstairs that I can hear the high pitch sound, saves me money when i don’t leave it on all night. I love the fact that if i’m taking a nap on my living room couch I know someone is walking towards me by hearing the swish swish swich of the pants rubbing each other OR the keys going jingle jingle in their pants. I love that I can use a cell phone again, I love that I can somewhat make sense of the radio. I love the sound of people talking in the union station (to an extent, it can become overwhelming.) i Love that i do not need to look at everyone all the time to be able to communicate, allows for multitasking. I especially love the sound of opera, blues, and jazz. I love the fact that being able to hear allows more doors to open for me.
I do not like: the sound of the metro brakes when it stops, the sound of ravens or crows in the wee hours of the morning, I do not like the sound of rap or extremely loud music like grunge or slam music. I also do not like it when a deaf-o comes up to me and criticize my choices and asks me if i plan to do the same thing to my children if they were deaf and criticize me for my decision.
I am really glad that Ms. Kaftan decided to post this entry, but I’m not so sure about her comment or the “deaf butt” comments. It’s extremely hard to find a place in society when neither side accepts you for who and what you are, but either way I have the best of both worlds, I’m not deaf nor am I hearing, but I enjoy the beauties both.
“We are borg, resistance is futile, you will be assimilated.” =)
edit: for all those naysayers out there.. (ESP RLM and Erik) I am NOT a sellout, This is my life and how I function in the world, this life provides more opportunities for me, your world lacks too many things that I need in order to survive and be happy. If you don’t like it, (finger) sit and spin.
I don’t have CI myself, nor do I know sign language yet I was born deaf. I entirely empathize with your situation, and I am glad there is another out there who feels the same way I do in never quite being accepted by deaf and hearing society.
It is sad that you experienced a deaf person coming up to criticize you for having CI. So much for freedom of choice. I like the saying, “different strokes for different people” and believe it especcially applies here. I have never experienced criticism for considering CIs but once, as a kid at a mainstream school I was playing with my hearing friends in the rain and had taken off my hearing aids to prevent their getting wet. An older deaf girl watched me and took the opportunity to criticize me for taking the hearing aids off, despite the logic of preventing any damage to them. I had never met her before, and was never given the chance to explain myself. The experience, while less dramatic than the ones you’ve experienced, left a deep impression on me and the result has been I’m reluctant to speak with deaf strangers.
Anyway, I applaud you for relating your experiences, thanks for doing that. I feel better about my own situation.
heh.. ever meet one of those hearing people that think they are doing you a favor by trying to order for you in a bar or talk to people? heh, when you tell them it’s not necessary they get all upset? I laugh at it but, understand why he did it. yeah, I’m sure you and I can relate a lot more . =) but I have no regrets. =)
Oh yeah, I’ve had that experience. The funny thing is usually in a very loud bar, suddenly the hearing people are on our level and cannot communicate well with the bartender. In fact, I usually communicate better than them.
I’ve also noticed that the bartender tends to remember you more when you have some unique trait, in our case, deafness. I’ve found this to be really handy at busy bars, and it doesn’t hurt to be a reasonable tipper too.
haha I do the same thing, usually over tip the bartender the first few weeks of going to that bar works well as the bill at the end of the nice is rather nice and low, because he knows he’ll get the nice tip and if he/she keeps the bill high the tip is low. gotta love that=D
oh yes, I almost forgot:
I Love to meet other recipients of Cochlear implants AB or Cochlear… I love trading insights. =) Those meetings are few and far in between.
What’s the difference between Cochlear implants AB or Cochlear??
companies… AB = Advanced Bionics and Cochlear (freedom.) well just like Reebok and Nike, same thing just a different product that offers little different things.
Honestly, there really isn’t anyone who can say there’s a big difference unless someone put an AB in the right and a Cochlear in the left, but that would be immensely expensive, not just the surgery and equipment, but for the mapping sessions the changes and the products blah blah.
This reminds me of how often deaf folks despise how they’re told by family members, friends, strangers or whoever this, “It’s nothing important.” This comment is often imposed upon deaf people due to their avoidance of the burden to fill them in on everything.
I don’t blame some deaf people for being resentful about it. Deaf people should be the decider in what they want to know regardless of what is viewed as unimportant by hearing people. Hearing people have control when it comes to filtering in or out and it’s something that is not afforded to some deaf people.
Katherine,
Have you ever considered that they perhaps are just not mindful of our needs? I dont think it is malice on their part not to keep us cued up on what’s being said, I think they simply have no idea whatsoever what it is like for us. When they see us looking their assumption is we understand the conversation. Nothing could be further from the truth, ha.