Innocuous questions are the worst kind - they’re the ones that are often asked in earnest search of meaning during small talk. Instead they reveal insidious underlying tones of social unconsciousness that, once I realize what they’re really asking, really piss me off(before I go any further, I should warn you, you’ll notice a very specific strand of questioning that particularly sets me off).
Unfortunately, though, since they’re always asked in the sweetest way by the most inoffensive (usually) people, I can never really let loose.
And then every once in a while I bust myself asking the very questions I hate.
Which is worse, societal assumption or my own personal inability to answer? I dunno. But meanwhile, I can only continue to fantasize about using these:
In response to, “Are you gonna have a second kid anytime soon?”
“I dunno, would you like to jump in bed and help us out?”
OR
“Oh, I’m sorry. You don’t think I did a good enough job the first time around?”
OR
“My reproductive habits are none of your business.”
To “Ha, ha, ha. But, seriously… I mean, you are gonna have another kid, right?”
“Not at the moment, why? Aren’t you having enough success with your own breeding program?”
To the stunned disbeliever who responds with “But, but, but, she needs a sister or brother! Won’t she be lonely?”
“Nah. Plenty of other brats around from people who bent, not altogether consciously, to societal pressures to have X number of kids to keep her company.”
To stunned silence after above retort:
Smile. Do. Not. Blink.
© Copyrighted material. This article cannot be copied, reproduced or redistributed without the express written consent of the author. As with every blog on this website, this blog does not reflect the opinion of DeafDC.com.
17 Comments
Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.
*laugh* I feel the same way. When people ask if I’m with anyone, I fel like, “if I haven’t mentioned a Mr. Omigawd, there’s not one at the moment. Sod off!” *grin*
I can empathize. A couple of months ago, someone asked if I had a boyfriend, I said no. The smart aleck said what? Are you lesbo or something?
So I said, ‘I’m bi, actually…’ I think the guy’s still reeling over that answer. :p
Deaf Pundit — that’s actually happened to me before, too! (And I gave the same answer.)
Sometimes when people ask if I have a boyfriend, I’ll say, “oh sure…I’ve got one in nyc, one in dc, va, nc, tx….but they’re all gay.”
I need better “do you have a boyfriend?” retorts!
Heh! I like it!
My retorts often are in question formats such as, “What do you think?” Allowing them to make up the answers for me and it’s fun listening to their answers.
ha that’s TOO funny. I think people should quit asking those kind of questions. Especially the boyfriend one.. if i feel like it I’ll tell you if i do.
another favorite– so can i have your phone number? and the retort i give is, are you actually going to call me? and usually they just stand there and go uhm.
I can understand how you feel. I have four kids myself. People ask me if my tubes are tied yet?? I totally hate that question! I don’t think it is even polite to ask me if my tubes are tied. Gosh!!
Heh! I would probably retort, “Nah. Are yours?”
Better:
“No, but I HOPE yours are!”
First of all, Leah would do just fine. I’m an only child and I’ve turned out just fine, as long as she hangs out with kids her own age, etc etc.
Secondly, I’m going through precisely the same thing, but in a different retrospect: I’m a Canadian living in the U.S. on a work permit, looking for a job in DC. Which essentially means, this city is rabid with federal-related jobs. Everybody suggests marrying to solve this problem. I’m like, I’m NOT going to get married out of citizenship, only for LOVE.
GAWD! :P
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“No.”
“Well, why not?” (As if becoming part of a couple is as easy as taking my car to Jiffy Lube for an oil change.)
“Just haven’t seen a good sale on boyfriends at Target yet.”
One day I’ll have the ovaries to fire back a good reply, rather than turning red and looking for a conversational distraction.
You know, it is really SCARY how many of you responding to this are (as far as I can tell) women. I expected a good number of responses to be from women, but not ALL!
Do these questions not annoy men? Or do men not get asked these questions?
And no, this is not an opportunity to male-bash. After all, I’ve been asked these questions by both men and women. So, apparently, being annoying is an equal-opportunity (but not affirmative action) trait.
I have been annoyed by some men who thinks that I should get vasetomy. Why they ask me? None of their business, really.
Also my wife’s ob/gyn doctor asked me and my wife if we consider birth control after my first daughter was born. I felt very offensive by that question, if my wife and I want some birth control… we can ask them for it but why asking us? Sometimes I wonder if that’s audism, hearies think Deafies can’t have a big family after we had one?
Disgusting.
As a gay man the number one question I get is, “Are you married?” or “Do you have a girlfriend?”
Its annoying that we live in a world where its still assumed that we are all straight and married or otherwise taken.
Which is strange considering the data showing a larger percentage of singles waiting longer to get married and even in most cases have even a relationship.
As a Teacher I get this all the time from my students and still have yet to articulate a proper response other than No!
Ugh. That. Questions that are considered by most to be “socially acceptable” to ask but really end up confirming that you’re weird or need help if you’re a) single, or b) with an opposite-sex partner, or, if you’re married, c) not popping out the little urchins like a factory.
Of course, nothing wrong with being straight, married, and having a huge family, but - “hello” - not everyone is or wants to be.
Yeah, I’ve noticed those kind of questions are usually targeted toward women. It’s part of our culture. We’re expected to be with someone, and have two or three children with a pet and the white picket fence. :P
Maybe it’s how I was raised, but I was taught that it’s not really socially acceptable to ask those questions to a stranger, or a near-stranger anyway.
Heteronormativity in action.
Only child here and I turned out just fine, thankyiouveddymuch (my husband may disgaree otherwise but he had two older sisters so what does he know about being an only?).
*pfft* about having multiples. The one you already have fits the bill just fine! :)