I think I’m losing my husband.
I even have another husband (or two or three) to thank for this.
CK’s been spending more and more time away from me. Even when we’re together I can see his thoughts drifting away.
Why? It’s almost draft time for Fantasy Football.
Urgh. Over the years I’ve gone from completely clueless cheerleader chick to half-way decent sports chica. In baseball, I can tell you what a full count is and why a double play is good. Football? Sure, I can explain the significance of a down and show you where the red zone is. I might even be able to decipher a ref’s gestures every once in a while without elbowing CK in the chest and going, “huh?” All a far cry from where I was 7 years ago.
But this is where all bets are off.
I don’t understand spending an hour poring over league statistics and coming up with a totally new list of potential players based on those numbers.
I don’t understand (well, not completely) the whole idea of a reserve quarterback for when teams go on bye.
I don’t understand a game where individual statistics count for more than a team statistic. I know in baseball they at least give you credit for sac flies. That doesn’t work here, does it?
Usually, my Wife-Goddess strategy (taken from the book “How to make Hubby Wonder Why He Deserves Someone as Good as You,” written, of course, by yours truly) is to learn a bit about it so I can at least understand what the hell he’s talking about.
But, see, the problem is: if I had to pick my own roster, I’d pick whoever looked the best in football pants minus those with pending criminal sentences (and a deal to suspend said sentence until play ends) and past drug or woman-beating history. Ricky Williamses need not apply.
I hate Fantasy Football.
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6 Comments
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I feel so guilty. My husband is a Sr software engineer at ESPN. He wrote the software that makes the fantasy football leagues run- at least at ESPN. My profound sympathy & apologies. ;-)
Hey Allison, you sound like my wife. Go join a scrapbooking club! Just be glad Chris is in only one league or are there others?
I don’t think my wife would have an issue with it if I would win the season-ending championship (nice amount of money involved) once in a while. My 3 and 11 record this year didn’t sit well with her but its not gonna stop me from playing. :)
Hey, it’s ironic that you name yourself after a cartoon skunk that lives life looking for love.
It is sexist to generalize that women like scrapbooking. In fact, my wife loves to watch football games and will gladly sit down with me on Sundays with a cold beer. Sorry about your 3-11 record.
I fared better and got into the playoffs. Better luck next year.
Hah, sorry if I sounded sexist. I hope I did not offend anyone. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I’m quite a kidder. Ask Rob. Wait, no don’t ask Rob. I’m afraid he might divulge too much information on me.
Football season is over. I’m focusing on hockey (my wife likes hockey too) now. 16 and 3 record baby!
Allison,
I can sympathize, at least a little, with what you’re saying. My husband, too, is into the fantasy football thing, and will spend endless hours parked on the couch watching Sports Center, taking copius notes, while the house goes unvaccuumed for yet the fourth week in a row. Unlike you, I’ve been a football fan since birth, so I understand it a little more, but I choose my teams based on criteria similar to yours - namely their logo, mascot, and team colors. My husband will never understand my reasoning for disliking the Dolphins… but teal and orange? Come now, who picked those colors?
My point is this: join your husband’s fantasy league (as I did last year), and pick the cutest players with the tightest butts, who are nice to their wives and donate to charities that help sick kids. Maybe you’ll prove to him, like I did, that all the knowledge about football may not matter as much as a little blind luck. Last year I picked all my favorite players, who my husband said would be terrible for my fantasy team, and, to his chagrin, I ended up creaming the rest of our league. :-)
Allison is a fansty football widow.
Shame on you Chris and I am gonna sic Ridor at you.
Not!